About me

Shh! It's a secret!Read more about me »

Waxing Lyrical: Mumford &...

Waxing Lyrical: Mumford & Sons at the Hammersmith Apollo on 8th October 2010 Featured Work

Keep in touch

RSS Feed Twitter Facebook Delicious

Subscribe via Email

Soundtrack to my life: Part Six

June 18th, 2011 by Clarice received No Comments »

Half way there, ladies.  Half way there.

50. The Who – Baba O’Riley.

YouTube Preview Image

I don’t really know why, except that maybe I feel as though I missed out on such a wonderful musical era by being born in the 80s.

49.  Annie Lennox – Why.

YouTube Preview Image

It’s just the eternal question…”Why?”

48.  Counting Crows – Colourblind.

YouTube Preview Image

If only everything was black and white.

47.  Dido – See The Sun.

YouTube Preview Image

When you’re a teenager and really seriously depressed, sometimes all you want is to see the sun again.

46.  Keane – Bedshaped.

YouTube Preview Image

“I know you think I’m holding you down.”

45.  The Killers – Everything Will Be Alright.

YouTube Preview Image

Cos everything will be alright.

44.  Rob Dougan – There’s Only Me.

YouTube Preview Image

43.  Snow Patrol – Set The Fire To The Third Bar.

YouTube Preview Image

Your laughter penetrates my silence.

42.  Florence + The Machine – Dog Days Are Over.

YouTube Preview Image

Happiness hit her like a bullet in the head. Yep, sometimes it comes when you least expect it.

41.  Mumford & Sons – Roll Away Your Stone.

YouTube Preview Image

Darkness is a harsh term, don’t you think?

VN:F [1.9.13_1145]
Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)

Soundtrack to my life: Part Five

June 11th, 2011 by Clarice received No Comments »

So, we’re half way there.

60. Maroon 5 – This Love.

YouTube Preview Image

This was definitely one of those summer tracks.  I fell in love with it when it came out back in…ooo…2003?

59. Radiohead – Fake Plastic Trees.

YouTube Preview Image

There are people that hate this song.  So, it doesn’t make much sense, but…who cares?  First heard it after getting a CD of Radiohead Piano versions by a guy called Christopher O’Riley.  I think I might have heard at least one of them on Classic FM.

58. Stereophonics – Nothing Precious At All.

YouTube Preview Image

Who didn’t go through a phase as a teenager when they liked things like this?  I swear, these guys are one of the most underrated bands to come out of Britain.

57.  Suzanne Vega – Never Be Your Maggie May.

YouTube Preview Image

“I’d rather take myself away”.  Right now, never a truer word was spoken.

56. The Goo Goo Dolls – Name.

YouTube Preview Image

“I saw the dreams you never thought you’d lose, get tossed along the way.” Sometimes you get yourself into places in life where you abandon everything you ever wanted.  Sometimes it’s through pressure, disapproval or maybe even fear.  Sometimes the hardest thing in life is ripping yourself out of that situation so that you can try to find those dreams again.

55.  Tin Tin Out featuring Shelly Nelson – Here’s Where The Story Ends.

YouTube Preview Image

Oh so 90s.  I think there comes a point where we all have to say here’s where the story ends.  It’s that little souvenir of a terrible year…

54.  U2 – Sunday Bloody Sunday.

YouTube Preview Image

I think Bono is a twat, but this song is much like the previously mentioned Morrissey track about being Anglo-Irish.

53. Will Young – Leave Right Now.

YouTube Preview Image

I should probably be ashamed to have a Will Young song in here.  I’m here, just like you said, but it’s breaking every rule I ever made.

52.  Massive Attack – Unfinished Sympathy.

YouTube Preview Image

CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON! Who doesn’t remember this track?

51.  Mumford & Sons – Nothing Is Written.

YouTube Preview Image

A tethered mind, freed from the lies.

VN:F [1.9.13_1145]
Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)

Soundtrack to my life: Part Four

June 4th, 2011 by Clarice received No Comments »

70. Dido – Take My Hand.

YouTube Preview Image

I remember listening to this on the coach on the way up to London when I was going to and from hospital.
69. Lifehouse – Hanging by a moment.

YouTube Preview Image

Another of those teenage ones that a friend introduced me to, that, for some reason, I just can’t let go of.
68. Moby – Why does my heart feel so bad?

YouTube Preview Image

I’m not sure what attracts me to this song so much, but it sure is special.  Probably stuff about being a teenager/being ill.  Yadda yadda yadda, you know a lot of the stuff I’ve put against these tracks.
67. Natalie Imbruglia – Smoke.

YouTube Preview Image

See above.  So much of this is from my youth.
66. Norah Jones – Shoot The Moon.

YouTube Preview Image

Remember when I previously said that I tried so hard not to like Norah Jones?  Yeah, I totally failed.
65. Santana – Samba Pa Ti.

YouTube Preview Image

You can’t fault Santana.  First place I heard this song, it was used in an episode of ER.  Back when ER was actually worth watching.
64. Coldplay – Clocks.

YouTube Preview Image

Back when I was young, and Coldplay were cooler than they are now.
63. Air – All I Need.

YouTube Preview Image

First heard this at school when my slightly hipsterish history teacher was playing it.  He liked Air.
62. Amanda Ghost – Silver Lining.

YouTube Preview Image

Ignore the fact it’s a Grey’s Anatomy video.  It’s the music I’m after.  Another one of those from my teenage years.
61. Mumford & Sons – Dust Bowl Dance.

YouTube Preview Image

If this song doesn’t epitomise anger, then I don’t know what does.  It’s not even a particular type of anger.  Just someone who is angry about their situation.  And yet another reason why I love these guys.

VN:F [1.9.13_1145]
Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)

Soundtrack to my life: Part Three

May 28th, 2011 by Clarice received No Comments »

By the end of this article, I hope that at least one of you might have noticed a pattern.

80. Snow Patrol – You Could Be Happy.

YouTube Preview Image

“Without me there to hold you back, don’t think just do.”

79. Athlete – Wires.

YouTube Preview Image

I know what this song’s about, but I remember being sat in a car just before a thunderstorm started and it was playing. It suited the grey half-light.

78. Bon Jovi – It’s My Life.

YouTube Preview Image

This was a bit of a turning point in my teenage years. Being ill means you lose your identity. You seem to become a piece of meat that everyone sticks needles into, asks curt questions to, and has no interest in knowing as a person. I still live by those words, “It’s my life, it’s now or never”.

77. Coldplay – The Scientist.

YouTube Preview Image

I remember walking for ages through London and Canterbury listening to this song. The bleaker the day the better. Nobody said it was easy…

76. Bruce Springsteen – Streets of Philadelphia.

YouTube Preview Image

I can’t remember the first time I heard this, but it was a very, very long time ago. I heard the song before I saw the film. It’s bleak, but the film director in my head can just see the perfect video to be made. It’s one of these songs I have come back to regularly over the years when I feel low. And it still makes me want to go to Philadelphia.

75. Matchbox 20 – How Far We’ve Come.

YouTube Preview Image

I honestly can’t believe this came out in 2007. It feels like I’ve known it for so much longer. Let’s see how far we’ve come. It’ll have a different meaning for everyone.

74. Morrissey – Irish Blood, English Heart.

YouTube Preview Image

So, Morrissey has always been quite political. He comes from a fairly similar situation to me, of Irish heritage, but born and brough up in England. It might not seem like a culture clash to those on the outside, but people who think like that tend to be those who have no idea of the historical political situation. Many people wouldn’t believe that politics and history can have such profound effects on an individual’s life. But trust me, it does. And sometimes it can leave you feeling absolutely torn.

73. Paolo Nutini – Last Request.

YouTube Preview Image

I think at some point or another we’ve all found that we’re bound to walk down that one way road.

72. Penguin Cafe Orchestra – Perpetuum Mobile.

YouTube Preview Image

First heard on an HP advert. And I am so glad that I did. Sometimes life feels like it has this perpetual motion that you really do struggle to keep up with.

71. Mumford & Sons – Awake My Soul.

YouTube Preview Image

Another of my walking songs. Especially during the spring and autumn. Nothing like seeing the changing light streaming through the trees.
Now my heart stumbles on things I don’t know, My weakness I feel I must finally show.

VN:F [1.9.13_1145]
Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)

Soundtrack to my life: Part Two

May 21st, 2011 by Clarice received No Comments »

See, look, you’re actually getting weekly posts from me at the moment. So here’s part two of the Soundtrack to my life series.

90. Blue Man Group – Rods & Cones

Many years ago, Blue Man Group came to the attention of much of the world after Intel used them to sell their Pentium III and 4 processors. Eventually I got to see these guys live, and yes they are absolutely brilliant. Rods & Cones is one of these instrumental tracks that I can just see myself running down a deserted road to.

89. Avril Lavigne – My Happy Ending

I remember watching this video over and over again on music channels. I must have been about 17 when it came out. Full of teenage angst.

88. Baz Luhrmann – Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen).

The funny thing about this song is that it came out the same year I started secondary school. I was just entering that hormonal stage. I had quite literally just started my periods and it was all a bit odd. Be kind to your knees…you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

87. Enigma – Sadeness Part I

Another amazing one from my very young formative years. I was in fact 4 years old when it came out. I was brought up as a Roman Catholic so the whole Gregorian Chanting thing absolutely sucks me in, even to this day despite not being a practicing Catholic anymore.

86. Green Day – Wake Me Up When September Ends

This is one of those tracks you come back to when you just want to hibernate for months on end because everything feels a bit crap. I was probably 18 the first time I heard this.

85. KT Tunstall – Other Side Of The World

This song came out around the time that someone very close to my family died very suddenly. I was absolutely heart broken. I’d planned to drive to see him when I passed my driving test. He died approximately 2 or 3 weeks before I took my test. I hadn’t seen him in six months, and felt so guilty that I hadn’t made the effort. And then it was too late.

84. Arvo Part – Spiegel im Spiegel

I struggled as a violinist for so many years to play this piece of music. The physical pain it caused was, at times, unbearable. If you play the violin (which frankly, is one of the hardest instruments you could possibly try to play), then you can most likely appreciate that a 10 minute piece of music with no breaks is not going to be fun to attempt. But for the beauty of it, it most certainly is worthwhile.

83. Andreas Johnson – Glorious

Made famous, in Britain at least, by a Vauxhall advert. I so fell in love with the song when I first heard it in 1999. 12 years later I still listen to it. Frankly, I can’t believe he’s now 41.

82. Billie Myers – Kiss The Rain

Right, who remembers this song, from way back in 1997? It was probably one of the first singles I ever bought, it has to feature on this list somewhere.

81. Mumford & Sons – Winter Winds

This song became rather a sticking point for me in the winter of 2009/2010. I was doing an English course which wasn’t exactly hard, but really felt like it was dragging. I had no job, friends or anything else to do, so some of the words really caught in my throat. Everyone needs to see them perform this song live. Whenever I hear it, I think of sitting at my desk, struggling with an essay, and reminding myself that Remember spring swaps snow for leaves, You’ll be happy and wholesome again, When the city clears and sun ascends.

VN:F [1.9.13_1145]
Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)

Soundtrack to my life: Part One

May 15th, 2011 by Clarice received No Comments »

Something came over me earlier tonight, and I decided to start a 10 part series called “Soundtrack to my life”, where I have 100 songs that have, over the years, meant something to me.  I hope they’ll be kind of ranked in importance, and where possible they will include a youtube link.

100. Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young – Our House.

I couldn’t not include this song.  The first time I heard it was when I was very, very, young.  And for those of a similar age to me, it was the first bit of music on an advert that had a lasting effect.  Yeah, I’m talking about that Halifax advert.

99. Sigur Ross – Hoppipolla.

I’m not even sure when I came across this, but it’s just another of those songs you hear either in an advert or on a TV show that totally captivates you, and stays with you forever.

98.  Now We Are Free – Hans Zimmer and Lisa Gerrard (Gladiator Soundtrack).

If you’ve never seen Gladiator, or never heard this piece of music then you are missing out.  It’s one of those uplifiting transcendental pieces which can really drag you out of a shitty hole.

97.  Editors – Smokers Outside The Hospital Doors.

“Someone turn me around. Can I start this again?”

96. Dido – Here With Me

The first time I heard this song, obviously when it was first released I was a young teenager, and I was so ill. I was in the huge midst of a depression that would last years.

95. Longview – Further

Yet another one I first heard when I was really ill. At least once per year I go back to their album to listen to it all again. Their lyrics were really good, and I could totally feel the one in the song which mentions the rain on dry concrete. Whenever I experience that smell, I always think of that song.

94. Norah Jones – Don’t Know Why

For a long time I tried so hard not to like Norah Jones. So. Very. Hard. It was futile, because eventually I totally fell in love with it all. Her voice, and the general sound. Of course, it was another one heard when I was ill, and became a happier form of escapism.

93. Frank Sinatra – My Way

For a long time I had rather the obsession with jazz. This was while I was ill – no surprise there. When you’re that ill, all you want is something easy that sounds good. Frank Sinatra was one of those guys. And of course My Way is one of those songs that everyone can take to their hearts, especially in hindsight.

92. Ludovico Einaudi – Due Tramonti

Ludovico Einaudi is a contemporary Italian composer who I first heard on Classic FM. So I bought one of his albums, and this fast became my favourite. When you’re a teenager, not at school through illness, sometimes you just need something very soothing. As a violinist, the cello part in this piece is just pure beauty.

91. Mumford & Sons – After The Storm

We all know that I love Mumford & Sons, we don’t need to restate it. This song is one of the hidden gems on their Sigh No More album. At first you don’t think much of it, but when you start listening to it, it’s completely different. I used to go out walking in some truly beautiful woods before my life went pear shaped, and I would listen to this song over and over again. It’s the words. Particularly the hope in those words:
Get over your hill and see,
What you find there,
With grace in your heart,
And flowers in your hair.

VN:F [1.9.13_1145]
Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)

*Cough* Yeah, I’m still breathing.

April 10th, 2011 by Clarice received No Comments »

Shocker, isn’t it?

I really suck at this at the moment, but you know, real life gets in the way sometimes and there’s not a whole lot you can do about it.  I suppose I could quit watching so much Emmerdale and Coronation Street, and actually do some writing here once in a while.

The last time I posted I felt almost like I had reached the end of the world.  Now I feel very different.  In fact, someone at work said to me the other day that I was noticably happier.  They thought that through January/February I was a pretty mean, grumpy bitch, but now that’s all different.  I thanked them for noticing.  I was genuinely grateful for it too, because it affirms what I’ve been thinking recently, that not only do I appear happier in character, I also look it.

And, fuck me, I’ve started wearing make up, which is a damn shocker considering I used to hate the stuff.

So, I’m still alive, and I promise I will write here again soon.  Very soon. I may even ramble a bit about OU stuff, but we’ll see what happens.

VN:F [1.9.13_1145]
Rating: 5.0/5 (1 vote cast)

Please, don’t cry

February 10th, 2011 by Clarice received No Comments »

Someone sent this to me the other day.  All the bad things it says, refer only to me.

I know that things are broken,
And though there’s too many words left unsaid,
You say you have spoken,
Like the coward I am, I hang my head,
And you lay careless your head on my chest,
And don’t even look at me looking my best,
And all these things I can’t describe,
You would rather I didn’t try.


But please don’t cry, you liar,
Oh please, don’t cry, you liar.


They told me love was a fortress,
And I had never put it to the test,
And all the while I relied on this honesty,
Well in love we are all amateurs at best.


But please don’t cry, you liar,
Oh please, don’t cry, you liar,
Oh please, don’t cry, you liar,
Oh please, don’t cry, you liar.


You lean in for your last kiss,
And who in this world could ask me to resist,
Your hands cold as they find my neck,
All this love that I’ve found I detest.

VN:F [1.9.13_1145]
Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)

A tethered mind free from the lies

February 6th, 2011 by Clarice received 2 Comments »

Wow.  Well, it’s been about a month since I wrote here.  It’s also been quite an…interesting isn’t the word…a month full of upheaval.  Let me put it this way, I no longer live at the place that I have referred to as “Home” in previous posts.  I now live alone in a houseshare, if that isn’t an oxymoron.  You don’t need to know what happened.  It’s not worth talking about.

It was not your fault but mine.

The weird thing is the way I have dealt with this.  I remember realising in about August of last year just long it took me to start dealing with the shit from our previous place of work.  It was in about June or July when I was driving to work one day and I just began to cry about it.  That was about 8 months after the fact.  Here I am, it’s after midnight, I’m alone in my room and I don’t feel any different to a couple of months ago.  I hate that about myself – the delay in reaction to things that happen to me.  I wonder how long this one will take?  It better not be too long, because I seriously need to figure this shit out.

And it was your heart on the line.

I’ve barely cried about any of this.  Until today.  Or should that now be yesterday?  Someone told me they cared about me.  To the casual observer I probably looked like some hormone crazed woman just crying for no reason.  Surely it’s a good thing when someone says that? 

I really fucked it up this time.

Just the other day I was talking to someone who knows me pretty well.  They sensed I felt sad after I had said something to them.  They came back with a one line reply: “Sigh No More”.  Considering this is the man who learned to play Little Lion Man just so that he could do it for me after I told him how much the song affected me when I first heard it, I thought it was rather apt.  So I went out and bought a 5 String Banjo a few days later.  We can Sigh No More together.

Didn’t I, my dear?

At the moment I feel like I am desperately seeking something.  I don’t know what it is, where to find it, or even where to begin looking.  I feel so at ease, comfortable and dare I say it even a little bit happy when I’ve been out with people I consider friends.  It’s been real nice.  I’ve enjoyed it.  Even if they’ve been late nights.  Or if they’ve been miles away from what is now “home” and required 3 different trains to get there.  I’ve felt human when I’ve been out, like people actually value me as a person and are truly interested.  I no longer have to pass over invites.

How fickle my heart and how woozy my eyes.  I struggle to find any truth in your lies.

I was playing with the banjo earlier on.  I can’t play the banjo, never picked one up before, so it’s an experience.  But, it made me realise just how long it’s been since I played a string instrument because within a few minutes my fingers were really painful.  Gotta get my violin and get some practice on thicker strings.

Darkness is a harsh term don’t you think?  Yet it dominates the things I see.

I almost walked out of work the other day.  Not because of this stuff, but because sometimes you just have enough of taking constant abuse over the phone.  It was just one of those days.  One of those days when I asked myself why I do my job.  Why haven’t I applied for another internal post yet?  Why am I dragging my heels over it.  Same reason I’m dragging my heels over everything else:

If only I had an enemy bigger than my apathy, I could have won.

I wish I could figure out what I wanted.  Where I want or need to be.  I can’t.  I simply have no idea.  Today, for the first time in almost a decade I felt a sensation that was familiar to when I was a teenager.  The sensation of being absolutely desperate to run away.  Not run away from my home, or from work, or even from my situation.  But to run away from myself.  To run away from the person I’ve become.  That’s why I stash so much money away, in the hope that I can one day find a solution to such an idiotic problem and actually manage to run away from myself, to the ends of the earth, and never have to face the pathetic woman that I’ve become.

Come down from the trees, you’ve been gone too long,
Return to the house that you came from,
Turn back on the road you travelled upon.

I’m going to see Matthew and the Atlas in a couple of weeks.  I’m going with the man that learned Little Lion Man for me.  It’ll probably be like when I went to see Mumford & Sons and I’ll cry through most of it.

I won’t let you choke on the noose around your neck

I really miss walking in the woods.  It’s strange how much I miss it.  It’s amazing just how cathartic it obviously was.  Somewhere that I could be truly alone and only hear what I wanted to hear.  It was a place that my brain actually slowed down for once.  Just about the only place I’ve ever found on earth.  Then I always had to return “Home” and my brain would be exactly like it was before, just full of noise and I couldn’t really understand what was going on.  Now I’ve been doing what I did as a teenager, and just randomly dashing into London when I feel the need to get away from whatever is in my head.  Believe it or not, a place as busy as that has the same effect as walking in the woods. 

Plant your hope with good seeds

Plant your hope with good seeds.

I’m the most fucked up I’ve ever been.  Writing and thinking about this at 1am is probably not a wise idea, especially as I have to get up in a little over 5 hours.  I’m going to be great at work today.  Writing and thinking about this kind of thing in the dark, the middle of the night, when alone, and listening to some pretty dark music isn’t a wise idea either.

Your grace is wasted in your face, your boldness stands alone among the wreck.

I hoped I could get through live without having to learn to cope with myself.  I wish I could have done that.  I’m not going to say that I wish I could go back and change absolutely everything because that’s a “regret”, and I don’t do regrets.  They’re a waste of time and energy because you can’t change things, so you just have to deal with them.  I wish I had realised that this shit would come back to haunt me.  I can’t believe I was dumb enough to think that I could compartmentalise it all when I was a teenager and that it wouldn’t cause me a problem again.  Oh.  So.  Wrong.

I should go to sleep.  I really need to.

‘Cause I need freedom now, and I need to know how to live my as it’s meant to be.

VN:F [1.9.13_1145]
Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)

Ho Ho Fucking Ho

December 25th, 2010 by Clarice received No Comments »

VN:F [1.9.13_1145]
Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)
Related Posts with Thumbnails