July 2008 Archives

Here I am, banging on about that course again. Will I ever stop?

The course finished officially, for me anyway (in my mind at least), at the date of cut off for submission of TMA 06. That was June 10th. It's been almost two months. I have checked almost every day to see if my TMA result has changed from "Received" to an actual result. It has not.

Yet, when I logged in today, my course record says this:

Before today it was saying that they should be available by 6th August. Does this mean it might be before 6th August? Will I find out a week today? Will it be dead on 6th August? Is this just a way to tempt us? It's only a week woman!

I'm not worried about it. Although at first after submitting TMA 06 I was worried that I hadn't tried hard enough. Then a couple of week later I had almost forgotten about it completely. Now with only one week to go, I am again pondering how well I may have done. Surely I can't have bombed it? My scores throughout the rest of the course would prove my worth so to speak. Surely I am not bad enough to have performed poorly on just the last one?

It's only one week woman. Just wait it out!

What Terry Waite says is correct. This isn't NIMBYism, we don't resent the airport existing.

What we do resent is Central Government telling us where and when things are going to happen. Central Government should have no say as to what happens in other counties and districts. Maybe they can suggest things, but they go further than that. If a County or District disagrees with what the Government things is right, they then try to do things by force, and that is what is happening at Stansted.

There's not a single MP or Councillor in Uttlesford who supports the expansion of Stansted. Thousands of residents oppose the expansion, even the Opposition oppose the expansion. Central Government doesn't like that - it won't make them any money. So what do Central Government do? They ignore all of opinions of the MPs, Councillors, campaign groups and residents, and they try to plough ahead with the plans anyway. In fact, Central Government try to do that with many plans for expansions such as housing developments, Eco-Towns and other Airports all across the country.

This Government does not care about the opinions of the people, merely about making money. This Government does not care about the environment. How dare a Government tell the populous to stop using their cars, wear two jumpers, not throw away so much food and recycle all of their waste, but at the same time approve plans which will destroy miles of countryside, ruin lives, and double the passenger intake at one airport, thus making the pollution far worse? Oh, that's right, one rule for the Government, a completely different one for the people.

How dare the Government prosthelyze that by expanding Stansted it will help the local economy? Where are they going to find people to work there? They aren't, because the unemployment in this area is very low, and the population quite aged. People will need to be imported from other areas of Britain, or abroad to fill the gaps. That means more houses are needed. Uttlesford have already fought numerous planning applications for more housing developments because the area cannot sustain any more people. Gatwick comfortably handles double the amount of passengers per year than Stansted does, yet there are no plans to expand it. Why's that? Could it be because Stansted is in a part of Britain that is not yet a concrete playground? It's almost as though this Labour Government do not want any part of Britain to remain as countryside. And what pisses them off the most is that people enjoy living in Uttlesford. Now, a Labour Government cannot have people enjoying their life wherever they may live.

Our esteemed Labour, Socialist, bunch-of-cunts of a Government want to destroy this district as well as the lives of the people living in it. And for what? What will they get out of it? More money. Will that money be put into sustaining what will then be left of Uttlesford? Of course not, it will go into Government Coffers to pay for more wars or further damaging developments in other areas.

The Labour Governments of Tony Blair and Gordon Brown do not and have never cared about the populous. They merely care about their own egos, legacies and lining their own pockets at whatever cost to the public.

And that's why we should all try to Stop the Stansted Expansion, and help Uttlesford fight the proposals.

1) Why is it that you do something for someone, and they don't appreciate it?
Oh yeah, that's right, you can't do anything right for anyone anymore, can you? And of course, the rest of the freaking world is too selfish to realise that you have actually done something for them. That includes a lot of time and physical work. This isn't about me, for once, it's about The Boss. If he gets pissed off, the whole department gets pissed off. Makes it fun to work in that department though.

2) There are few things that I hate more than sitting in and waiting for a serviceman to arrive
I don't mean serviceman in terms of someone in the armed forces. I mean the boiler dude. I hate the fact that they have to come and service things in the first place. While I appreciate that it's only once each year, I still hate it. I really hate to have someone enter my house, not just my house but my home, uninvited. I didn't ask this guy to come, we were told that he had to, and he's supposed to be coming today, this afternoon, in less than an hour. I will feel as though my home and my personal space has been completely invaded and violated.

3) I'm sending someone a birthday present.
Nothing big or exciting about that, right? I don't normally send them one. I'm terrible with birthdays. Christmas is fine, but Birthday? Nuh-uh, unless it's someone that I see on a regular basis then I don't normally bother. This is my Brother's girlfriend. Saying that is probably doing a disservice, more like partner. They've been together for years. I don't see either of them often, but as I bothered to send him something for his birthday, I should probably do the same for her. That's the same brother that I reference here in an entry called "The mysteries of the family". I often don't remember much of what people say to me, but one thing that his partner said to me once really stuck out in the mind. Shortly before The Boss and I got married, she said that she couldn't believe I was getting married before my Brother, and that she might have to spur him on. I realise that he is almost 16 years older than me, but he's not the marrying type. Anyway, she's getting a Fortnum and Mason hamper.

4) It's the summer, and I'm bored.
"Go out!" I will hear people say. Yeah well, the weather's been shite for that recently and today I have to wait for the boiler dude. Maybe tomorrow. Hell, I'll take the camera out. Even though today is supposed to be warmer than yesterday I feel much colder.

5) I said I'd put a picture up of the new hair. Well here it is.
I took this portrait for shits and giggles, and because I'm supposed to be photographing a number of people in a portrait fashion this week. I figured I might as well have a go at doing myself first. The hair isn't too easy to see, but the shape is all there. As usual, click for bigger.

I will begin with Number One. That's where most lists start.

1) I went to a Maxillo Facial Oral Surgery department today. I saw a young SHO who eventually concluded that I have a problem with my Temporomandibular Joint. There are a number of steps in this. The first is what I have to do now, and that's have a soft food diet. By soft food they mean nothing hard, crunchy or chewy. That means no pizza crusts, no boiled sweets, no chewing gum. No cheese that needs chewing, no biting into apples, no hard chicken and no steaks. She mentioned crisps too. Not that I've eaten many recently.

If, in 6 weeks time I have no had much improvement, they will look into getting me a nightguard. What joy. I assume that it will be moulded to fit my teeth rather than a one-size-fits-all model. And if that doesn't work? She mentioned surgery, but didn't elaborate. Fine by me not to elaborate at present. I'll go with the soft foods for a while. Well, for 6 weeks I suppose.

You know, I'm not even allowed to yawn. And, in the morning I have to put a hot, wet towel on the side of my face before opening my mouth in the hope that it will ease it a little. Joy. I can only yawn with my mouth shut. Meh. So yes, 6 weeks time I return there to see if anything has changed.

One final thing about this hospital. Dudes and Dudettes...you can't send me to a place like this, and not expect me to either take some photos, or desperately want to have a poke around.

On to item number two.

2) I'm rather a misogynist. I shan't lie. However, for 63, Helen Mirren is damn good looking. That's what not ruining your body by having children does for you. I had already made up my mind, but this confirmed it.

Last year we attended RIAT 2007. This year we I was bemoaning the fact that we weren't going, and instead the In-Laws had gone without us, that it looked pretty good, and we'd be missing out.

Imagine my surprise when I read over the weekend that the whole thing had been cancelled. Hahahahaha. That's not me pointing and laughing at everyone who went there and was disappointed. It's me pointing and laughing at my In-Laws. It means that my Brother in Law had to suffer almost three days with his parents (who drive him to the brink of suicide in a matter of hours, let alone days) for no good reason at all. Oh I pity the poor guy - that must have been a shit weekend.

We got lucky. And we cannot complain. While I do find the whole show of billions of pounds worth of military might to be rather disgusting, I also find the technology behind it interesting (even if I don't understand it). I missed out on that bit, looking at the aircraft, as well as the chance to take some pictures. Aah well, can't have it all.

What I did not miss out on however, was not being around a few thousand kids. Quite frankly, RIAT and just RAF Fairford in general is no place for children. It's dangerous, dirty, and noisy. Last year I saw scores of kids bawling their eyes out, wearing ear protection, sunburnt, wetting their pants and generally having a shite time of it, because their planespotting Father insisted on taking them to a place that is not designed for kids.

• Kids were crying through boredom
• If you go somewhere and your kids need to wear ear protection, should you really have brought them?
• Loads of kids were just as sunburnt as I was - that's poor parenting.
• Kids pissing themselves because the queues for the bogs were so long. It was bad enough being on my period and being in a field with a load of portable shitters - I can't imagine being a kid in cubicle too small to stand in.
• They were bored. Why take a kid to a show of military might? They don't understand the morality or politics behind it, nor how any of it works. What's the point? Oh yeah...you wanted to go - it was never about your kids

So yeah, not having to put up with thousands of kids running around in the mud, screaming, tripping over you, getting in the way, being dangerous, being abandoned by their parents was quite nice. We had a nice, quiet weekend, and I enjoyed it.

Maybe we will go next year, but only in the In-Laws don't. I really do not fancy a repeat of RIAT2007:
Taking the parents in law across the country, having to spend almost three days permanently with them, having an extra shadow, hearing nothing but complaint about the weather/food/temperature/cloud cover/wind direction/humidity/noise (it's a fucking airshow dude! There are supersonic jets!). Oh yes, and getting sunburnt, then having to endure the journey back with them.

There are a number of things about being a woman, and living in today's society that annoy me. I shall talk only about two however. This has come about because of one incident yesterday, and another just before Christmas.

The first was yesterday. I was quite happily standing on the pavement, in the rain, waiting to be picked up. A little down from me was a guy in a truck. After I had been standing there for a couple of minutes, he wound down his window, looked at me and said "Alright, Love?". As much as I wanted to tell him where to shove his fag, it made me realise a few things.

• Essex is, culturally, a million miles away from the UK mainland. (I doubt that was disputed however).


• I still look recognisably like a woman, despite a radical haircut


• There really is a disgusting invasion of personal space in today's society

What bothered me, in terms of being a woman, was that he said "Love". Ugh. That drives me mad. "Love" should be a very personal term. It is the same for me when someone calls me "Dear", "Darling", or "Mate". I'm not your Dear, Darling, or Mate. I don't know you from Adam, how dare you call me something like that? And it's not friendliness. Not at all. If someone was being friendly, they would just be polite, they wouldn't feel the need to address me in a rather crass fashion as "Love". Personal space has not been invaded by this, some may say. Alas, it has. I don't necessarily mean physical personal space, the invasion of that doesn't bother me as much. Sure, I find touchy-feely people that I am not familiar with to be rather creepy. But invading someone's personal head space is completely different. If someone gets close to you or touches you, the invasion ends when they move away. If someone invades your personal head space it doesn't go away. This leads me onto my next experience.

It was a little before Christmas and I was at the works Christmas meal. Our department drew rather a short straw and ended up with one guy on our table who we don't like so much. He could have sat with his own department, but no, he gravitated towards ours. After noshing was done he brought up the fact that I'd been married for almost a year. Great. Then he asked the mother of all questions that should never be asked..."When are you going to have children?" Dear Lord, he's lucky that he didn't get his bollocks cut off for that one. I did however tell him to fuck off. That didn't work, he kept asking.

I did eventually answer. I said "Never". Short as. I thought he might give up at this point. Oh no, the next utterance out of his ignorant mouth was "Why not? You'd make a great mother!" This is the moment where, in my mind at least, the video stops playing - someone has paused it - and I continue moving. I get up from my seat at this meal, all is silent around me and I begin to talk to the camera detailing what this moron has done wrong.

For starters he asked me when I was going to have children. You never ask that of anyone. Ever. I don't care why people don't have children, the issue that they can't is not what may bother me. It's the fact that it's hurtful to people who choose not to have any, as well as those that cannot. Why is it hurtful? Some may argue that I'm being pathetic by saying it is "hurtful". I am not. It is hurtful that there are still some people on this earth who think that we are stuck in the 1950s, and that following on from marriage all women want to have children. That all women want to be mothers and will make good ones. That all women want to do what this guy's wife does: live off his earnings and pop out a sprog every few years. No, it's alright mate, some of us are a little more enlightened than that.

I hate the presumptions that I wish to have children. I hate the little shites. Once I get my degree I'll have quite an earning potential. Why would I want to piss away my money, my time, my wellbeing on a couple of people who will, no matter what I do, resent me for some pathetic reason which I cannot remedy? And the presumption that I would be a "good mother". Is anyone truly a good mother? I could pick many faults with my Mother in Law, and probably just as many with my own Mother. I will not deny that I resented my Father for many years. And, you cannot have it all - you are either a parent and you give your all to that, or you take your job over your children. My parents, both of them, did the latter. I spent five years in therapy as a teenager, mainly over the resentment towards both of my parents and mostly about my Father missing the majority of my Christmasses and Birthdays until I was 15. By the point that your teenager is in therapy it's too late, the damage is done, and part of them will always resent you.

My friend, and former colleague butted in at this point and said that I would make a terrible mother. I had to concur. She is completely right. I don't argue with The Boss - I don't want to put anything into our marriage that might cause arguments. Children would do exactly that. I'm far too lazy to have children. I'm far more interested in the amount of money we can earn, save, and then use in our preferred manner, to have children. Women are beyond that now, but some men don't seem to think so. Women protested, and in fact died, so that women in the future did not have to be chained to the kitchen and wiping children's arses while living off the earnings of their husband. They died so that we could get an education, follow our dreams and aspirations and prove ourselves. But prove ourselves to no-one other than ourselves.

By asking when I will have children, it is an invasion of my personal head space, and like I detailed before, you cannot get rid of that. Seven months after the incident I am still thinking about it, and it still stirs a certain amount of anger in me. Not only the personal space issue, but the guy probably couldn't tell me my first name, how dare he ask such a personal question?

For a little more rage in response all he needed to have added to the end of that question was "Love".
"So, when are you going to have children, Love?"

Silly title really, I mean "Where's Your Hair At?"

Mine's gone. No really. Had most of it cut off yesterday.
I'll have to take a good picture.

I can't stop stroking my head. Hmm, that's not as uncooth as it sounds.

It's still a bit odd to look in the mirror. I feel as though I'm on the cusp of almost passing for a boy if I didn't give any features of a 'curvy' nature away.

How long this will last, no - one knows!