Another day another baby (or two).

Jeyes the sperm dumpster is pregnant for the third time, despite being at medical school.  How will she ever cope?

Run Phyllida, Run!
Run Phyllida, Run!

Ever fed up of the fawning that Jeyes received, Phyllida decided to make a break for it while she still could.

Laugh all you want Cillit, you'll be dead soon.
Laugh all you want Cillit, you'll be dead soon.

Baloo Bloo ages up.  He looks far too much like his Father.  And Cillit, the ever friendly and appropriate woman does nothing but laugh at him.

Whiter than...er, white?
Whiter than...er, white?

Whiter than white Persil looks a little concerned that he is now old enough to have self-awareness.  What will he think of his mother’s antics?

Terry Tate's in da house!
Terry Tate's in da house!

Baloo Bloo seems to be auditioning for the part of Terry Tate, Office Linebacker here, much to his mother’s displeasure.

Yet another boy
Yet another boy

We seem to be equalling it all out now with all of these boys.  This one was called Dettol and seems to have disappeared into his mother’s bosom.

Bounty gets engaged!
Bounty gets engaged!

As a bit of a side story I’ve had Bounty courting some guy from work.  She proposed to him eventually.  In truth, I just wanted her out of the house.

Out of the house?  Easier said than done.
Out of the house? Easier said than done.

Yeah, I got her engaged just to get her out of the house.  She wouldn’t bloody move out.  She couldn’t marry her Fiancé because she was pregnant which meant that he couldn’t move in (too many people).  It was annoying.

I'm having a teddy!
I'm having a teddy!

The guy looks gullible enough to believe that she will in fact give birth to a teddy bear.

This must be dear old Dettol
This must be dear old Dettol

He, er…looks like a girl.

A 'natural' birth
A 'natural' birth

Out in the open, surely this is the epitome of the craze about ‘natural’ births?  Those two eventually both stood around reading books.  What was disappointing about this was that Bounty, after a sim hour or so, ran (yes, ran!) to the hospital across the road to give birth.  It would be much more entertaining if she’d done it there an then outside the Day Spa.

Life Goes On

With some help from the Grim Reaper, Jeyes had her first child, and became my second teenage pregnancy.  She has been taking after her Mother.

Vileda, the doting grandmother?
Vileda, the doting grandmother?

Is this an audition for Britain’s Youngest Grandmothers?

Not learned your lesson?
Not learned your lesson?

As if one dose of labour pain, time off school and a massive drain on your resources wasn’t enough, she’s going for the double.

It's oh...so...quiet!
It's oh...so...quiet!

Amazingly, she didn’t wake Bloo up.  She is giving birth to baby number two, by father number two.  Ever the discerning woman.

Boy number two!
Boy number two!

I wish there was child support in this game.  If there was, this family would be rolling in it from virtually every other family in the town.  I think this kid’s name is Persil.

Eh?  WTF?
Eh? WTF?

So one day one of my Temper family sims was reading the newspaper, and there was an annoucement that another Temper baby had been born.  I was confused but assumed it was Lana who’d had yet another kid.  How wrong I was, it was her son, Earnest who had just materialised this baby out of nowhere.  So much for turning off story progression.

Bloo, or should that be Baloo?
Bloo, or should that be Baloo?

Looking at the size of him, Baloo would probably have been better.  Neither of his parents were…beanpoles.

Persil Power
Persil Power

Persil becomes a toddler and looks as evil as all of the others.  I wonder if he’ll be a cleaner child?

Another day, another man...another baby?
Another day, another man...another baby?

Amazingly, Jeyes manages to fit all of these men and her ‘encounters’ with them around the demands of medical school.  I thought most medical students had so little time that they could barely eat or think?

I reiterate: Cillit is weird ass.
I reiterate: Cillit is weird ass.

I’ve mentioned numerous times before that Cillit was weird ass.  She gets weirder ass with age.  One day she just went out rooting around in rubbish bins.  Yeah, because that’s normal.  Just like it’s normal and realistic that no-one ever collects the rubbish, I’m assuming that it’s a big bottomless tube where rubbish just disappears into a central depo somewhere?

Yes...another baby.
Yes...another baby.

I don’t think that last guy realised he was hooking up with the sperm dumpster that is Jeyes.  He’ll get a surprise in a little while.

Put Something On The End Of It: An Appendix

As a little extra to my previous post which featured Jeyes, the teenager, giving birth to her first child.  Here’s a video of her before she goes to hospital.  Yes, the audio is a little out of sync, but the fact that the Grim Reaper is there is just Sims gaming gold.

[flv:http://www.borrowed-heaven.net/private/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/Jeyesbirth.flv 352 288]

Dear Electronic Arts…You Suck.

Dear Electronic Arts,

I have been an avid player of The Sims since it first came out in 2001.  I bought every expansion pack for The Sims 1, most of the expansion packs for The Sims 2, and I have most recently purchased The Sims 3.

What a game!  It’s great, some of the stuff you have put into it is truly brilliant and shows that, when it comes to game features, you certainly have been listening to the community.  When it comes to technical problems and game support, you certainly haven’t.

I was annoyed that I couldn’t update my game without the download manager.  Oh, but hold on, I found some standalone patches for The Sims 3…I’ll give them a go.  I did.  They didn’t work.  I thought that I would bite the bullet and install the nasty spyware-esque EA Download Manager, as much as it pained me.  Did the update work through that?  Did it bollocks.

When I was using the standalone patch installers I knew immediately what the problem was.  I figured this might be rectified by using the download manager.  The problem is, as EA would put it “You have installed The Sims 3 in a location different than the default”.  For starters, your English kind of sucks.  It should really be “different from the default”.

Your solution for people who have been so evil and misled as to have installed it in a location “different than the default” is:

Unfortunately, at the moment, we do not have a solution for users who have installed The Sims 3 in a location other than the default. We recommend uninstalling the game, and then installing it in the default location.

And…if I don’t want to?  If I can’t?  What are you going to do about it then?  Do people like me have to go without any of the patches?  Or are you going to pull your finger out and do something about it?  Why would you even hard code something like that into a game?  Do you not realise that some people don’t have a “C:” drive?!  And I have a solution!  Remove the hard coding of install location!

I have come across this problem before.  You cannot install Flash into Firefox if your main drive is not called “C:”.  Yep, that’s right, Adobe have hard coded “C:” as the drive letter.  It would appear that you guys at EA have done exactly the same, and quite frankly that beggars belief.  My main drive is not intentionally named anything other than “C:” – it just happened.  Why do you persecute people like me?  I was pissed off that Adobe’s suggestion was to mount my drive as “C:” – why should I have to?  Why can’t the installer do like most other installers do and actually, oh…my…god…ASK me where it is installed?  The original installer was perfectly capable of asking me where to install the full game, why is this any different?

The Download manager was perfectly content to install itself amongst my Sims 3 game files, but could it apply patches to the files that it was sat next to?  No, of course not.  Why would it want to do something as sensible as that?  Why could it possibly be happy applying updates to files that were dancing around it like some satantic ritual, waving manically and ready to sacrifice the first born?  No, it would rather just freaking ignore them.

It’s not just that EA won’t patch the freaking game.  It’s that EA make it MY FAULT.  It’s about as much my fault as Kennedy’s assassination.  WTF is up with coding standards in big companies?  Persecute the minority because it’s so damn small the majority will just swallow it up?  The majority is so big we won’t even notice that tiny minority screaming at us.  What fuckstain dickmunch of a bunch of retards HARD CODES drive letters and locations into software?!

Get over yourselves.  And, not just that: fix the freaking patching system so that I can patch my game.  Your fast-forward and story progression bugs suck.

Put something on the end of it!

Previously, Jeyes was getting herself in deep and following her Mother’s lead.  Would it all end happily?

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

This could have had such a better outcome if he had (in a shouty Jeremy Kyle voice) PUT SOMETHING ON THE END OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Err, Mum, I'm Pregnant".
"Err, Mum, I'm Pregnant".

“Oh really?  I thought you’d just eaten a good meal.”

Mmm, me!
Mmm, me!

Her Mother seemed ambivalent, so Jeyes felt pretty alone, she had only herself to rely on.

Noooooooooooooo!
Noooooooooooooo!

Both of my lesbians are now dead, and this was devastating for Jeyes.  She got on well with Ruth, and without that support during her pregnancy she’d have to deal with her Mother’s ambivalence alone.  Diddums.

Kid numero uno
Kid numero uno

With no-one seemingly willing to help, Jeyes took herself to hospital and she had a kid.  A boy whose name has completely escaped me was Bloo.

Adulthood beckons.
Adulthood beckons.

Hey Jeyes, have you lost some weight, or have I just caught you at a good angle?

The sad reality
The sad reality

The sad reality of all of this is that Vileda has only just become a proper adult, and she’s already a grandmother.

Red light district
Red light district

Jeyes decided to try and be more successful than her Mother with men, that means actually snaring one permanently, you see she had the lifetime want to raise five children from babies to teenagers.  However, I don’t think starting in the red light district was a good idea.

Baby Whatever becomes a toddler.
Baby Whatever becomes a toddler.

I still don’t remember its name, but it’s definately a toddler now.

I don't remember his name either.
I don't remember his name either.

I doubt that she can recall his name, but I’m sure that she’ll get what she wants from him.

Ho’ing must be genetic

Old people have been saving the neighbourhood from burglars, will this continue, or is their time up?

This was such a big mistake
This was such a big mistake

In an attempt to find out who all of these “Temper” children were that are being born into the neighbourhood (most to ghostly Gerrard), I sent Phyllida over to become friends with him.  This was the biggest mistake ever.  She met him, she went home.  She invited him over a day or so later so that they could get to know each other.  Did he ever leave?  Did he bollocks.  A couple of sim weeks later he was still in their house.  Eventually I had to delete him because he was getting in the way and it was pissing me off.

That's much more respectable
That's much more respectable

Destiny knew that her days were numbered, so she began visiting friends and family.  She started with Lana, who, suspiciously, looks like she might have another bun in the oven.

Confirmation!
Confirmation!

Phyllida confirmed with a visit a day or so later, that yes indeed, Lana was up the duff again.  Does the army allow women to take that much time off?

Finally it was time to go.
Finally it was time to go.

Finally it was time for dear old Destiny to die.  Ruth was understandably upset, as was Phyllida.  But Cillit?  Those are just crocodile tears, she wouldn’t know emotion if it jumped up and bit her on the arse.

Grim, you stink.
Grim, you stink.

Phyllida’s olfactory senses are disgusted by Grim’s presence.

Up for a parenting award today
Up for a parenting award today

Lana’s in the running for a parenting award today as she leaves her latest vicious little dwarf bundle of joy on the floor.  What I find funny about other households is that they never have anything for their children, they just leave them to sleep on the floor as babies and toddler, and then on the sofa as children.

Oh just fuck off Cillit
Oh just fuck off Cillit

Cillit, the ever measured and socially adept woman that she is just laughs at Phyllida on her birthday.

Mmm, corn rows
Mmm, corn rows

Wasn’t it something like this that started all of the problems for Vileda?

I guess she's known no different.
I guess she's known no different.

I do wonder if in real life it’s a genetic or hormonal predisposition for the children of teenage mothers to go on and have children themselves when they’re teenagers, or if it’s mostly nurture (rather than nature).  Seems to be nature to Jeyes, even if she never saw her Mother get with a man.

Suspicions confirmed.
Suspicions confirmed.

Ho’ing must be genetic for Jeyes, and this proves it.

Step away from the cake!

Last time, Vileda’s illegitimate offspring grew into a child.

Step away from the cake!
Step away from the cake!

You’re fat enough already Jeyes, you don’t need to be eating that cake.

Destiny's a goer!
Destiny's a goer!

Destiny proves she still has it in her by fighting off a burglar.  Good ol’ Destiny, eh?  Proof you can’t keep the chronologically challenged down.

Destiny saves the day.
Destiny saves the day.

Without Destiny’s help, would this burglar have been caught?

Cillit's a weirdo
Cillit's a weirdo

I will keep repeating that: Cillit is a freaking weirdo.  That hairdo, that make up, that weird attitude.  I didn’t like that sim at all.

Professional Athlete meets G.I. Jane
Professional Athlete meets G.I. Jane

Phyllida (right) meets with her older sister Lana (left) while Earnest looks on.  And looks on as though he has no irises.

That's more than puppy fat.
That's more than puppy fat.

Jeyes becomes a teenager.  She seems to be carrying the fat for all of the family.  Will she fall into the same trap as her Mother?  (Read as: inevitably).

Crazy-arse bitch
Crazy-arse bitch

Cillit, the crazy-arse bitch, eventually becomes a young adult.  I wish she would just do one.  If she hadn’t have had a lifetime wish that I wanted to fulfill then I would have killed her off in some way.

Hard as rocks
Hard as rocks

The ever intelligent Vileda was stargazing during daylight hours (WTF?) and she saw a meteor land.  She went to collect it.  It was fucking huge.  Apparently valued at almost §4000, but then, when she “analysed” it, it went down to just over §3000.  Not so smart now are you, Mophead?

They're not there to steal intelligence.
They're not there to steal intelligence.

This spate of burglaries is getting silly.  A few things they are not at the Temper household to steal: intelligence, common sense or morality.

Victory?
Victory?

Vileda and the cop seem to be thinking that they’re victorious.  Phyllida seems only to be thinking of herself.  I guess that’s what professional athletes do.

Can’t keep a good woman down

So, Vileda became my first teen pregnancy.  That proves that the mod works correctly at least, but what does it mean for the poor girl?

Phyllida: Portrait of a young adult
Phyllida: Portrait of a young adult

Phyllida quietly became a young adult.  I say quietly because everyone else was fawning over Lana’s kid, and desperately rallying around Vileda in her hour of need.

Jeyes grows up.
Jeyes grows up.

It wasn’t long before Jeyes became a toddler.  I can imagine that Vileda was glad this kid was growing up.  Ruth stayed at home to look after Jeyes while Vileda continued going to school.

Dedicated mummy?
Dedicated mummy?

When Vileda had any spare time, she used it to aid the development of her little bundle of joy.  She never neglected her homework though.

Kept your hair this time, didn't you?
Kept your hair this time, didn't you?

Destiny finally became an elder.  This time, she kept her hairstyle.  WTF was that about then?!  See the blonde teen in the mirror?  That’s Cillit.  She turned into a right fucking weirdo, so I gave her a hairstyle to match.  She’s a loner, inappropriate, and insane.  Weird ass.  Don’t like her at all, but she wants to get to the top of the music career, symphonic branch.

Get this geriatric off me!
Get this geriatric off me!

This is Lana’s kid, Earnest, desperately wishing that someone would get the Geri off him.

Mutton dressed as...lamb?
Mutton dressed as...lamb?

I remember now, Destiny was in the music career.  She did eventually become some kind of rockstar.  Upon one particular promotion she began to dress like a whore.  Some people do I guess, some people do.

Oh yep, that dress suits you.
Oh yep, that dress suits you.

Perhaps their dress, as an elder, reflects the kind of life they had.  You see, Ruth did nothing but (apparently) bring up children, so she would look unshapely and dowdy.

No wonder she has a kid
No wonder she has a kid

Is it really any surprise that she has a kid already, if she dresses like that?

Adulthood beckons!
Adulthood beckons!

After all of those mistakes and difficult times, Vileda is now a young adult.  I wonder…will she drop anymore sprogs?

Birthday girl!
Birthday girl!

For Vileda, this was a great day of celebration.  Finally her little girl was about to become a child.  She wouldn’t be dependent upon her anymore, and Vileda could get a job…oh the freedom!

Oh.  How unfortunate.
Oh. How unfortunate.

How very unfortunate indeed.  It would appear that Jeyes inherited her father’s Fatty McBoom-Boom genes.

Babies having babies

Destiny has seen one daughter leave through age and pregnancy.  Now she has a bigger revelation to face.

Aww, look, you have an abdomen.
Aww, look, you have an abdomen.

Destiny wasn’t the only person to visit Lana.  Bounty also dropped in, mainly to feel Lana’s stomach.

"Mum, I have something to tell you."
"Mum, I have something to tell you."

“Yes dear.  I look sceptical about the importance of what you’re going to say to me because my career is much more important, but please tell me anyway.”
“I’m pregnant”.

Srsly?
Srsly?

“Err…I’m not pleased or impressed with you, young lady, but I’ll support you none the less.”

Determination
Determination

So determined was she that her life would not be ruined by this, she continued to go to school.

Getting fatter by the day
Getting fatter by the day

Destiny still visited Lana, which was nice of her.  I see that she’s still unmarried.

Really hauling ass now
Really hauling ass now

She had to really haul ass just to get into the school bus now.  Won’t be doing this again, will you, Mop?

Aww, a baby!
Aww, a baby!

Destiny’s first grandchild.  Lana named it Earnest, which is a perfectly acceptable name.  Thank fuck that it’s not another Edgardo.

This lesbian looks disgusted at childbirth
This lesbian looks disgusted at childbirth

Ruth looks truly horrified and on the verge of vomiting at the sight of someone in labour.  Destiny doesn’t seem to care.

So, someone took her to hospital
So, someone took her to hospital

I guess someone took her to the hospital, or she got herself there.  Yeah, she had a girl who was named Jeyes.  Keeping up with the cleaning product theme.

How long until she starts turning tricks?
How long until she starts turning tricks?

Honestly, what passes for dignity in this game?  She looks like a ho.

Cradle snatching of the highest order

The lesbians adopted their final child, now all that remained was dragging bringing them up properly.

Growing up before her time
Growing up before her time

Quite literally growing up before her time.  At this point of playing I had installed both the Awesomemod, and the Teen WooHoo mod.  The Awesome mod came with this function (as it did for The Sims 2) that allowed relationships between teenagers and those older than them.  So, I tried to make Lana’s boyfriend who had recently become a Young Adult into, what the Awesomemod calls, a paedo.  It was conflicting with the teen pregnancy mod, so I gave up.  Instead, I aged Lana up with the birthday cake so that she too was a young adult.

Vileda gets an extension
Vileda gets an extension

This mop got a height extension.

Cillit bangs
Cillit bangs

She looks harmless here.  Keep that image in mind, it won’t last.

Another right of passage
Another right of passage

Vileda took on all of the advantages of her new found teenagehood, by getting a boyfriend.  He’s a bit of a fatty, but you know, no account for taste.

OMG!  Fake diamond ring!
OMG! Fake diamond ring!

She’s in the army, how could she possibly afford a real diamond ring?  She’s only paid in potatoes.

Get married first!
Get married first!

I hope you’re using protection!  You don’t want a little kiddie while you’re out fighting wars, or whatever passes as a military operation in their world.

Taking lessons
Taking lessons

It would appear that Vileda has been taking lessons from her older sister.  I can’t imagine for one moment that is a good thing.  Does she not realise about the consequences?!  Sexy slippers her boyfriend has there.

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear

I hope this is really what you wanted Lana.  There’s no going back now.

Who will take responsibility for this?
Who will take responsibility for this?

I hope Lana will take some of the responsibility if this is more than just a bad burrito.

It was a sad day...
It was a sad day...

…when you visited your oldest daughter shortly after she moved out, only to find that she’s living in a trailer with pink flamingoes in the front garden