TF2 Advice: How to take care of your Medic – Part 1

Today we’re in cp_gravelpit.

Being a Medic can be pretty heavy going.  Being a Heavy can also be pretty heavy going and that’s why a Heavy makes a great Medic Buddy.  A Heavy-Medic pairing can take out many an enemy with or without an ubercharge.  So, on maps such as cp_gravelpit where the defence of the points is all important, so is the defence of your medic.  Your first two caps are gone and all that is left is Cap C.  A Medic-Heavy pairing are keeping that point securely for your team.  Your medic is being attacked from a distance by soldiers and demos.  Without your Medic, as a Heavy you won’t last very long up there on your own.  What do you do?

You could keep pressing on and hope that your Medic’s health regenerates enough to stand some more hits.  Yeah, you could do that I suppose.  That’s probably the worst option though.  It’s pretty unlikely that your Medic can withstand much more pain.  Health in read = soon to be dead.

You could run away and hide.  Yes, true, you could.  However, you’re pretty likely to be ambushed on your way to a safe place and that puts both you and your Medic at a very significant risk.

You could throw your Medic a Sandvich.  BY THE WAY, THIS IS THE CORRECT ANSWER.  Yes, you could and that is a very good idea.  This whole article came to me after playing with a couple of really great Heavies who kept throwing me Sandviches when my health was down but theirs was okay.  Show your Medic a little love.  When their health is in the red ensure they get fed!


Plus, it will give you a nice warm fuzzy feeling inside to see your Medic all happy!

(Image created by me in Garry’s Mod).

TF2 Advice: How to piss off your engineer – Part 2

Today you’re on cp_well.

It’s your average game of cp_well.  The middle point is hotly contested at the beginning, and it tends to pan out that whichever team captures the middle point quickly and first goes on to win the game.  This time, amazingly, your team has captured it.  While the offensive members of your team run off to get the next one, your wonderfully supportive Engineer is setting up his base on the middle point in the hope of keeping out any unwanted visitors who may try to commandeer it.  Wherever the Engie sets up his base, it’s always nice to think that someone might be doing a bit of spy-checking for the guy while he does the heavy lifting.

Too often that’s not the case.  Few people seem to see spy-checking as their job.  It’s something that other classes do.  Well the class that’s best at it is the Pyro.  They can set those pesky spahs on fire whether they are cloaked or not.

I see no spy! (Click to embiggen)

So many players just run out of the teleporter and forward.  This can be particularly frustrating when they can see that you are actively battling sappers, but if you try to take out the spah, then your buildings will die.  You have to weigh it up:

  1. Do you keep fighting for your buildings and hope that someone else will deal with the spah?
  2. Do you go after the spah and let your buildings die?
  3. Do you run away to hide somewhere so the spah can’t backstab you?

It’s a difficult decision, and I’m often with the first option.  The buildings are important, they really can mean the difference between getting and keeping a point or the intel.  However, if you die, then your buildings are very vulnerable to damage and spahs that are creeping around.

The moral of the story is: Spy-checking is everyone’s job, including the engineer’s.

Of course, there is a fourth option…befriend the pesky spahs.  Nothing like a BFF!

BFFs (Click to embiggen)

(Images created entirely by me using Garry’s Mod.)

TF2 Advice – How to piss off your Engineer – Part 1

The second in a series of ways that you can piss off the very important members of your team while playing Team Fortress 2.

Today, it’s ctf_turbine and you’re the engineer.

You’ve got a whole rig set up.  Teleporters to take your guys to the front line.  A dispenser is hidden away but easily accessible to your team.  Your sentry is up protecting the entrance to your Intel room.  You have guys down there defending it – the entrance that is, not your sentry.  I say that because it comes apparent pretty damn quickly that your team don’t give a damn about keeping your sentry alive and well.

Click to embiggen

One single Demoman comes in.  He doesn’t even have a Medic or an Uber with him.  What do your team do?  They go running like girls.  Or, as the Heavy would say “Like Babies!!”  Stand up and be then men that you are!  Fight back!  One little Demoman is no match for a Heavy-Medic pairing!

TF2 Life Lesson: Help your engie.  Without their defence, you can really be screwed.

(Picture created by me in Garry’s Mod.)

TF2 Advice: How to piss off your Medic – Part 1

Picture the scene:

It’s ctf_turbine.  You’re on the Blu team and you’re pushing hard towards the Red team’s intel room.  You are playing as The Medic.  You are the saviour of your team, and you’re one of the reasons that they’re able to get as far towards the intel as they have.  You’ve been healing them after Crits, fires, sentries and bonks.  You are one of their greatest assets, and they love you for the service you provide.  However, the Medic isn’t immune to damage and you’re not looking so good.  You’ve been hit by a sniper with a Huntsman, shot at by various little bitches with their pistols, suffered some splash damage from a rocket launcher, and now the final straw: a W+M1 Pyro is coming at you and your guys.  You’re now on fire.

What do you do?

Of course it is fair to say that the Medic’s health does regenerate, however that is not immediate and sometimes your health is just too low to make that your mainstay.  So, what do you do?  You do the sensible thing: go in the search of some health.

Some games aren’t as good as others, and this would be an example of that because there’s no engineer with a dispenser nearby.  And even worse: YOU’RE THE ONLY MEDIC!  Your team needs you, which means that you can’t afford to die at this critical moment.  You do the only thing you can and run back to where you konw the nearest health kit is.  All will be well, and before they know it you will be back fixing up your team.

Or so you think.

Just as you’re arriving at the health kit which has your name written all over it, some little punk-ass scout on your own team, who only has a boo-boo on their ankle which their mother could kiss better runs in and steals your saving grace.  You are then overcome with the flames and simply die, leaving your team without some vital support.

Click to embiggen

The moral of this lesson to all TF2 players?  If you see a burning medic, or one who you can see is a little low on health, but yours is not yet in the red and yet you’re running for a health kit, LET THE MEDIC TAKE THE HEALTH!

I can’t count how many times now I have died while trying to help the rest of my team, because one person whose health, like the scout here, is only down by 10% picks up the only medkit in sight letting the medic die before their eyes.  Seriously, being down 10% on health isn’t going to kill you, not when you’re looking at a medic.  However, having been at the front line, and now getting set on fire when your health was already only at 30 points WILL kill you.  And the same person complaining about the lack of medic support will be the first to take the health kit from the medic.  Think before you self-heal!

(The picture was created by me using Garry’s Mod).

The Tempers become Criminals!

Again, not all of them become criminals, but probably the most unlikely one.  Previously, age caught up with Marlon and he had to catch up with the rest of the world.  He started this by meetin’ sum laydeez.

Dinner, mah laydee?

Within hours of meeting his mark target laydee-friend, he was taking her out to dinner to cement the relationship.

For and old guy, he sure moves fast

And after dinner he was proposing to her.  Geez, young at heart I suppose.


The first thing which the agéd Marlon did was rush home and tell his Mother that he’s getting married.

Oooh yeah. Oldie WooHoo!

Don’t forget to take your teeth out.

Damn, that's a turn up for the books

The next time that Marlon saw his Fiancée he was a little surprised.  Errr…hadn’t she told him she was using birth control?  Hadn’t he told her that he was too old to sire children?

Yeah, whatever

Alex was still raking in the cash during her Fundraising gigs, she had an eclectic mix of people that she invited to them.  If I remember correctly she was trying to screw this guy, and the old woman died the following day.  They were dancing like teenagers, and it disturbed me.

Oh dear Marlon, what have you got yourself into?

The end is nigh!  Run Marlon, run!

Doting daddy?

The kid was born, and Marlon helped get his Fiancée and new son back to their home.  Not his home mind, but her home.  Wanna know what this kid was called?  It seriously made me grimmace.  The game chose the name “Dequan”.  Oh.  My.  God.

Alex has a confession

Remember all that money which I said Alex was making from the campaign fundraisers?  Well, in the past she’d had the opportunity to take money from it in the hope that she wouldn’t be caught.  I decided that she shouldn’t.  Then one day I figured that as she was almost at the top of her career there was less chance of it being noticed.  Oh hell no!  She took some money out of the fund and the next thing I know she’s fired.  She returned home and confided in her youngest brother, Fin.

Alex cannot live with herself any longer.

Unable to reconcile with herself, Alex decides suicide is the best option and promptly returns herself to the netherworld, never to be seen again.