The Funke Family: And now, the end is near

Previously, we had an aging population.  It was never going to get younger now, was it?

Old people + kitchens = OH SHI...

The fire was started by Dustella there, while her brother in law put it out and her sister just stood around looking a little bemused.

When yah gotta go, yah gotta go

Time for Dustella to leave this mortal coil, for a better place.  She can be with her sister now.

Damn, this dinner plate is killin' me

Immediately after the death of Dustella, Dustina couldn’t help but think about the death of a dinner platter.  I was like, WTF?

Dominique's time was up

Part way through completing the opportunity to play a symphony at the theatre, Dominique walked out and promptly died on the street.  Couldn’t she have at least got home?

Staring death in the face

Duncan Jnr here is not scared of a little death.  No way, he was trying to complete an opportunity to become friends with someone for a promotion at work.  While they were chatting, the neighbour decided to pop his clogs.  Death just seems to be all consuming for Duncan Jnr at the moment.

The cheek of the woman

Dustina’s time came, finally.  However, she had the damn cheek to plead with the Grim Reaper not to take her.  She wanted to live.  She was pure evil, and she wanted to live.  Sheesh.

Come into the light, Daryl

With Daryl then being the only elder left in the house, his days were pretty numbered too.  His time to go came.  Duncan Jnr was all alone now.

That creeping feeling...

Duncan Jnr was beginning to sense that creeping feeling of death.  He was the only person left in the house, and now an elder himself.  How long would he have left?  Around this time I packed him off to the graveyard with all of the headstones, and he buried his entire family up there in one go.

Sexeh pantiez

Living alone, and being an elder meant that fashion sense was not high up on Duncan Jnr’s list.  The white Y-fronts do not do him any favours.  I hope no-one was looking in.

Look at that hoochie mamma

No Duncan Jnr, you’re too old to be looking at that piece of ass.  Without a little blue pill, you couldn’t get it up anyway.

Your time has come

Oh yes it has Duncan Jnr.  Your time is here, you are the last member of the Funke Family, and now the Funke Family is defunct (see what I did thar?!).

I hope you guys had a nice life and few generations.  Now it’s time for me to move on.  I won’t lie: you’ve entertained me for many months, and now that I’ve got Ambitions waiting to be installed new adventures await me.

The Funke Family: Part Fourteen

Oooh, a delay.  I have a real life, you see, and haven’t played much in the way of games lately.  Age is definitely catching up with the Tempers.

Wedded bliss

But first, a pretty little interlude I think, Dominique got married one evening in Central Park.  How lovely.

An oldie, and a baddie

Dustina became an elder one evening.  A little while later she also became the Emperor of Evil.  Something she has been building up to since she murdered her sister when she was a teenager.

Takes after his mother

Duncan Jnr here obviously takes after his Mother.  He joined the criminal career, and seems to be spending a lot of time in jail.  How proud his Father would be, I’m sure.

Dustella becomes an elder too

It was time for the remaining pair of the triplets to become elders.

Dominque too...

I hate the way their hair returns to the default whenever they age up.  That’s really irritating.

Dominique's husband joins in with the fun

I believe he’s called Daryl, and he aged up the day after his Wife.

It's a living...

I can’t quite tell if she does this for her job or if she just enjoys getting dirrrrrty.

A pink limo? Yeah...chav central.

Dominique decided to do an autograph session at the stadium.  She turned up in a vehicle that is just the height of class.

Yay for virgins?

Because of Dominique’s  busy schedule, she and her husband didn’t get to woohoo until they were both elders.  Umm…lovely.  Funnily enough, they don’t have any kids.

Adults FTW.

Duncan Jnr became a proper adult.  He is the youngest person in the household, with everyone else being an elder.  Damn, he must get fed up of wandering around and finding Tena Lady, The Nut Bra, and Oops I crapped my pants.  He’s also pretty tired of waking up during the night and hearing this pathetic little voice shouting “Help!  I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up!

The Funke Family: Part Thirteen

Previously, people died, and people got old.  That’s life, yah know.

Oh dear, what have we here?

Dustella, on her knees at a toilet.  Don’t worry, she’s not up the duff, she a vegetarian and I made her eat some meat.  I completely forgot she was vegetarian.

Playing happy families.

Dustina and her measely little Husband argue about the fact that he wants another kid, and she doesn’t.  She really doesn’t.

Duncan Jnr becomes a teenager

And while they argue, their only son Duncan Jnr becomes a teenager.  Do they notice?  Of course not.

Right, that's it. Show's over.

Dustina decided she’d had enough, she broke up their marriage and threw him out of the house.  Will someone think of the children!

The remaining triplets become proper adults

Only a picture one of them because they looked exactly the same as they did when they were young adults, so what was the point of two pictures?

Adonis and his adoring fans

I quite like doing the autograph sessions when I have a famous sim.  It’s neat to see how many of them pitch a fit and leave because he doesn’t sign the things quick enough.  Right about this point, my game started randomly crashing.  No idea why, but after a restart it all seemed to be okay.  I hope it doesn’t become a regular thing.

Just a normal day at the library

Duncan Jnr loved the library.  He saw all sorts of things there, amongst the books.  It would appear that death was one of them.

Death at home too

Looks like we can’t escape death around the Funkes at the moment.  Adonis decided to die on the toilet.

Looks like he's auditioning for N.W.A

Yes, I do know what N.W.A. stands for.  I’m nobody’s foo’.

She moves fast.

So, Dominique had this opportunity to convince someone that Logic is great.  She did that, and the following day she proposed to the guy.  Can’t keep her down, huh?

The Funke Family: Part Twelve

So, some evil bitch got married and then dropped a sprog.

When yah gotta go, yah gotta go

Off you go Irene.  It’s finally your time.

Handbags at dawn

Dustina and her Husband weren’t getting along so good.  She would complain at him for not washing the dishes and not taking out the trash.  Would this become a serious problem for them?

Don't they grow up fast

Little Duncan Jnr became a toddler.

Nothing like a bit of unity

They still weren’t getting on.  Duncan would come home from a long day at work, kissing ass and not getting that promotion, only to find his wife hadn’t bothered to get dressed and sat on the computer all day.

Long walk, short pier, methinks?

Seriously Dustina, the way your life is going at the moment, I think it would be worthwhile you considering the long walk off a short pier.

Dustina didn't the right thing...

So Dustina finally got herself a job.  Yep, being evil she became a criminal.  WTG!  On one of her first nights as a getaway driver, she was picked up by the fuzz.  Great example for your kid, and awesome for your husband’s promotion prospects.

Headline: Jailbird mother misses son's birthday!

I hope you’re proud of yourself Dustina, because your son certainly isn’t.

Young and naieve no more

You’re an adult now Dustina.  Don’t look so shocked.

The sex pest husband

It was Duncan’s birthday, he looked virtually the same after aging up.  However, he became an absolute sex pest.  Everytime Dustina was in bed (asleep that is) he would autonomously choose to Try for Baby, and then sit there waiting for her to wake up.  She never did.  Their relationship continued to get even lower.

The Adonis becomes an OAP

Having reached the pinnacle of stardom in the professional sports career, won all of his games, and also reached the pinnacle of fitness, Adonis became an elder.  Did he quit his job?  Of course not.  He went on playing for the team, but how long before he breaks a hip?

The Funke Family: Part Eleven

Previously, the evil Funke girl was showing her true colours.  Late post this week due to being a lazy-arse last week and not bothering to schedule one.

Marrying for love, of course

There’s no doubt in my mind that Dustina is in fact marrying Duncan for love, and it has nothing to do with her evil intentions or money.

Really? Are you sure?

Congratulations!  You’ve just ruined your life!

I said I'd haunt you

Carena returned to haunt them all…by stealing their food.

Go Adonis! Go!

Adonis started banging his boss.  That’s one way to get ahead.

Detention for you young lady!

So this one of the remaining triplets wasn’t the brightest button in the box.  She decided to copy her sister’s homework.  And yes, the following day she got a detention for it.

Cop-a-feel alert!

Irene visited her sister shortly after her sister’s husband died.  Watch where she’s putting her hand, Irene.

Triplets become young adults

The remaining two triplets became young adults.  The one at the back is prettier.

Congratulations! You've ruined your life!

I had ABSOLUTELY ZERO intention of Dustina getting pregnant.  However, I had this nagging voice in my head which said “if both of them roll the wish to have a kid, then I’ll get her pregnant and weave it into the story.”  So, both of them rolled the wish to have a kid, which meant getting her pregnant, and I’m still to work out the best way to weave it into my grand plan.

Oooh look, a show!

The whole family being real damn helpful here.

Maybe she'll mellow out?

Somehow I think that’s rather unlikely, but Dustina brought home her baby boy, who was called, in a moment of my genius…Duncan Jnr.  Oh geez.  I can’t see this working out well for her.

The Funke Family: Part Ten

Previously, kids were growing up and rivalries were starting.

Carena took her life in her hands...

…and accused Dustina of, not only, bad dress sense (she can talk) but also of BEING EVIL!

O. I see wut you did thur.

Yeah, Carena’s not the brightest.  When Dustina quickly built a room in the backyard and then lured Carena in, she thought it was all completely legitimate.

Oh Blake!

Oh Blake, you made her piss herself.  Dustina locked Carena into this doorless room.  Carena gladly stayed, and spent all of the time that the sun was up talking on her telephone.  Largely this was the Blake.  I tell ya, she had a lot of degrading needs while stuck in there, but Social was not one of them.

I thought I had triplets? Oh well...

Irene was getting a bit old and forgetful.  She didn’t seem to notice when one of her three bundles of joy disappeared.  What disturbs me more is that someone so old and forgetful is allowed to mess with electricity.

Blake! It's all your fault, Blake!

Yep, live with that for the rest of your life, Blake.  It’s your fault that your half-sister died while trapped in a doorless room for four days, starving to death and continuously pissing herself.  Dustina could at least have put a bog in there.

Bye for now Carena

Didn’t I say that I had plans for this one?  That was it – to have her evil sister kill her off.  I loved it when it appeared in the newspaper the next day, it was something like “Local woman starves, but there’s no food shortages.”.

Grim and Adonis, sittin' in a tree

But you two have only just met.  Take it slowly now guys.

Crocodile tears

Dustina pretends to be distraught at the death of her Sister.  Because, of course, she didn’t do it.  It had nothing to do with her.  No Sir-ee.

Now you're a young adult

Now Dustina becomes a young adult.  I know, when she was killing her sister, she was still only a teenager.

Hold your horses!

She’s not one to hang around.  After aging up, she almost immediately proposed to her boyfriend.  He was somewhat younger than her, but much balder.  I’d never really intended for her to get married but it seemed to work.

The Funke Family: Part Nine

Previously, Irene had triplets shortly after her fiancé and the triplets’ father died.  Old age will do that to you.

Cancer kid has a party

This is Irene’s first daughter, I believe she is called Dustina.  I gave her that hat so that she would look like a cancer kid.  This is her birthday party, which, as you can see, is absolutely banging.

Cancer kid has questionable dress sense

Dustina seems to have inherited her Mother’s dress sense.  You can’t see it, but she also wears red stilletos.

One of three becomes a child

Here’s the first of the triplets becoming a child.

The second of them grows up

The family was so interested in the triplets’ birthdays that they were talking about trash.

And finally...

The last one becomes a child.  She got the shitty end of the looks stick.  As well as that, once they were children they all began rolling the “Get attention from Dad” want.  It’s the first time I’ve seen sims do that for a dead sim.

Someone's got a problem...

This is one of the triplets going to visit her aunt, Blake.  You see, I noticed that Blake seemed to be in a relationship and she’d just had a baby, so I sent someone from the family round to see them.  When I moved Blake out she was on her own, but she’s now shacked up with Sam Sekemoto and they have a kid, but I can’t remember the name.  They’re living in a pretty shitty end of the town too.  Anyway, this is one of the triplets after visiting Blake.  This triplet is a kleptomaniac who stole the cow plant from here, and a barbeque from another house on the way home.  Gotta start that crime spree young.

Come on Irene!

Irene became an elder, finally.

Good things come in threes

Yeah, I’m not sure that these are so good.  It’s another triplet birthday.  Don’t they look innocent?

Four teenagers in da house

And here’s how they turned out.  The one on the left is probably the prettiest of them all, and she’s the Klepto.  The one in the white top is uninteresting.  The one on the far right stuffing her face is the fattest and ugliest of them all.  There’s also Dustina there celebrating with Adonis.  I don’t know how I’d cope with four teenage girls and a really vain young man in the house.

Mirror, mirror on the wall. Who's the least desirable of them all?

Adonis seems to find the existance of his half sister quite funny.  That said, I think the same about this one.  She’s no looker and she has really terrible dress sense.  I have plans for this one though.

The Funke Family: Part Eight

Where were we last time?  Ah yes, Blake had grown up and left because she couldn’t cope with the idea of being both a half-sister and an aunt to some kids.  Dustin died and Irene was up the duff.  What could possibly go wrong?

Growing up is hard to do

Dustin’s first kid with Irene became a child.  At least she wasn’t really old enough to remember her father.

Damn that mailbox!

I don’t think for one moment that she is an angelic mother.  Anything but.

There's plenty to go round!

So…there’s a bit of a surprise when Irene gives birth at the hospital.  Yeah…there are three of them.  So with Adonis and Dustina added into the mix, Irene now has five kids.  Awesome sauce.  They were called, I think, Dustella, Dominique and Carena.

Mike: I want to marry her. Carol: I want to beat him with a dumbbell.

I can’t remember this one’s name properly, was it Carol?  Oh well, whatever.  She decided to get hot and heavy with Michael Batchelor, who was engaged to Emma Hatch (I think that was her name), but Carol here got Michael to break up with Emma and marry her instead.  It was the beginning of a beautiful relationship, and an end to any money worries Carol had.

You're an adonis alright.

Adonis became a young adult, and decided that he wanted to use his brain instead of his body to make his living.  He promptly joined the Professional Athletics career.

How's it hanging, Carol?

Irene visits her sister in her new pad.  Carol was pregnant, Irene was jealous.

One out of three ain't bad

It became time for the triplets to grow up.  The first one…

Oooh, sparkles!

The second one…

Ooo, pritty!

And the third one!  Although this one looks like it’s going to be a Mexican wrestler when it grows up.

My Santa Fe Queen, she's got the Santa Fe Lean!

In case you don’t understand the caption to that picture, here’s an explanation.

The Funke Family: Part Seven

Previously we had family members related in two ways, and it was getting a little messy.

Treat her like a laydee

Blake’s now a young adult, so treat her like a lady.

And Carol's now a fully fledged adult

She was doing well in the Music career, which is good stuff, but she was considering if she should do more with her life than just play the gee-tar.

Voyerism 101

Irene was trying to screw Dustin, but Carol seemed to have this desperate desire to watch.  I found that a little creepy.

Sink or vom?

Good choice woman, very good choice.  Nothing worse than upchucking into the sink while it’s spraying water everywhere.

Let's cement this relationship

With denture cement, maybe.

Keep that cell phone next to your foetus!

It’ll be win all round.

Err, yeah, so, I'm, like, a bit pregnant, right?

Another bit of child support if they don’t get hitched pretty soon.

That one, behind us...she's a bit speshul

Blake spent some quality time with her father, gossiping about her siblings.

A little too late

But it was a little too late to get to know her Father.  While Blake was still young, Irene still pregnant and engaged, Dustin popped his clogs.  It was devastating for Irene, but relief for Blake to a degree as the situation was getting weird.  Her Father would also have been her uncle had he and Irene got married.

Wake me up before you go go

Blake didn’t want to cope with the idea of a new kid joining the family that would remind her of her Father and be both another niece/nephew as well as a brother/sister, so she moved out.  Damn, some families need some therapy.

The Funke Family: Part Six

Previously, on The Funkes, boys were getting married, girls were becoming women and the matriarch died.

Irene seeks comfort

Irene sought comfort with a friend of the family after the death of her Mother.  A very special form of comfort.


Dear old Sabrina was gone, and now having seen the grave in the garden Dustin could join in with Irene’s grief.

The comforting nature of a bed

Neither of them seemed to care that Dustin was Sabrina’s former flame or that he fathered at least one kid.

A little less comforting now?

Vomit, or answer the phone?  I think you made the right choice Irene.

Someone grows up, I assume Adonis.

Irene was rather too absorbed with her new man to notice that her Son was getting ever closer to adulthood.

Err...guess what?

He seems a little…you know, surprised?

New pregnancy, new haircut

At some point during her pregnancy I changed her look, and seemingly the fact that she’s in labour is secondary to that.

Oh baby

She had a girl.  No, the name escapes me.  Now, this is getting a little awkward.  This little baby here was not only a niece for dear old Blake, but also her half sister.

Motherhood takes its toll

It would seem that being stuck at home all day has made Irene go a little mental.

Don't they grow up so fast?!

And before we know it, Irene’s latest kid is already a toddler.  You know, I have a feeling that I called this kid Dustina.