Recently in Family Category

Well, actually it is not. It is the birthday of The Boss. Quarter of a century. Dude.

I got him a QI DVD and tickets to see Russell HowardLive. Bit peeved that I was too late for Stall tickets and ended up with the Circle, but that's cool. £15 each isn't bad for a night out in London. Just need to book a hotel now.

One single thing would make today a bit nicer. If his fucking Mother would just fuck the hell off. For a couple of weeks now she's been calling and suggesting that we either go to the Chinese in the village at the weekend when his Brother is here, or we get a Chinese takeaway tonight and bring it round to them. We don't understand - she's completely neurotic and normally bitches about there being something wrong with food when we go out, but over the past year she always wants to go to the Chinese. We said that instead of going to the Chinese at the weekend (Sunday), as we are going out for a meal on the Saturday, why doesn't he just make some of his egg friend rice for everyone. "Oh no, it's your birthday, can't have you doing that!" came the response. He said he didn't mind then asked why she wanted to go, and she said that "it would give her a rest". Oh do fuck off. He's just offered to make lunch on the Sunday, weren't you listening? Of course not - you never do.

And then about the takeaway tonight, he said last week that he didn't want to have one. Fair enough, I don't either. She called today to ask whether we were all going to have it. No! He said he didn't want one! Dear me, is that so damn hard to get through your thick skull? The last thing he wants to do is to see her on his birthday, so why would he want to go there with a meal? Christ.

You know, I really wanted to write more. But I cannot. I've worked too hard over the past couple of weeks and feel a bit like seven shades of shite.

1) Why is it that you do something for someone, and they don't appreciate it?
Oh yeah, that's right, you can't do anything right for anyone anymore, can you? And of course, the rest of the freaking world is too selfish to realise that you have actually done something for them. That includes a lot of time and physical work. This isn't about me, for once, it's about The Boss. If he gets pissed off, the whole department gets pissed off. Makes it fun to work in that department though.

2) There are few things that I hate more than sitting in and waiting for a serviceman to arrive
I don't mean serviceman in terms of someone in the armed forces. I mean the boiler dude. I hate the fact that they have to come and service things in the first place. While I appreciate that it's only once each year, I still hate it. I really hate to have someone enter my house, not just my house but my home, uninvited. I didn't ask this guy to come, we were told that he had to, and he's supposed to be coming today, this afternoon, in less than an hour. I will feel as though my home and my personal space has been completely invaded and violated.

3) I'm sending someone a birthday present.
Nothing big or exciting about that, right? I don't normally send them one. I'm terrible with birthdays. Christmas is fine, but Birthday? Nuh-uh, unless it's someone that I see on a regular basis then I don't normally bother. This is my Brother's girlfriend. Saying that is probably doing a disservice, more like partner. They've been together for years. I don't see either of them often, but as I bothered to send him something for his birthday, I should probably do the same for her. That's the same brother that I reference here in an entry called "The mysteries of the family". I often don't remember much of what people say to me, but one thing that his partner said to me once really stuck out in the mind. Shortly before The Boss and I got married, she said that she couldn't believe I was getting married before my Brother, and that she might have to spur him on. I realise that he is almost 16 years older than me, but he's not the marrying type. Anyway, she's getting a Fortnum and Mason hamper.

4) It's the summer, and I'm bored.
"Go out!" I will hear people say. Yeah well, the weather's been shite for that recently and today I have to wait for the boiler dude. Maybe tomorrow. Hell, I'll take the camera out. Even though today is supposed to be warmer than yesterday I feel much colder.

5) I said I'd put a picture up of the new hair. Well here it is.
I took this portrait for shits and giggles, and because I'm supposed to be photographing a number of people in a portrait fashion this week. I figured I might as well have a go at doing myself first. The hair isn't too easy to see, but the shape is all there. As usual, click for bigger.

So for a while now you've been coveting an ND8, or rather Neutral Density Filter. It's Monday, it's June, you come home from work, you find the filter on your door mat. Wonderous.

What is the natural course of events now? Sure, you want to take it outside and give it a try...Good on you. Can you do so? No, of course you bloody can't. Why not? It's raining.

Although now it appears to have cleared up a little. I might risk it in a short while, after taking a look at the sky. It's not looking too good, but I think I'll give it a quick go anyway.

--------------------

Back a bit later. So I went out and gave it a go. I had, in my style, forgotten to look up online the best range of settings to use with an ND8 filter. Moron. I have now fiddled with one particular setting that should be good for it, but frankly, unless I stack a few of these ND filter atop one another, it's a little bright right now. My main purpose for getting one (I had a purpose?), was for evening/normal long exposures. You know, the kind of stuff that displays movement. As we're now in the time of year when the sunset is nice, it will be good to try. I just hope that the next time I see light streaming through the clouds, I do in fact have my camera on me for once. Short of that, I will be required to carry the camera and tripod everytime I leave the house. Not ideal.

So yes, Saturday. We watched my Father do military driving. Good fun was had by all. We got a little bit sunburnt, oh well. It will wear off. There's not really a lot to say about his driving day. He had fun, it was entertaining to watch him, I took lots of photos, end of really.

After many early mornings, and very late nights last week, all I wish for is the chance to have some real R&R. Ugh, hate that term. I get the distinct impression that I'm not going to get it. That will be both through real world commitments, and through my own overzealousness at wanting to do things (or should that just be "boredom"?).

And before I sign off, one of the nicest things this week has been the purchase of a bird feeding stand. It's at the end of the patio, and lots of little birdies that we either haven't seen before, or don't see much of are using it quite a lot. How lovely.

I'm still in a little bit of a "Huh? You mean to tell me it's all over?" mood. And now I find it strange not to be doing anything in the afternoons, even a little disconcerting. I know that the OU have received the essay, which is good. But it is still a serious question...what do I do now?

My parents are coming this week, which will distract me for a few days. But what about next week? I suppose if the weather stays okay, then I might go out more, like I did yesterday. However, it's not looking so good, a bit wet and chilly. Although yesterday was particularly warm. I'm waffling.

It's early. You know, I was up, showered and had a wash on before 7am. That's rare for me. Now I have half an hour until I need to be in work. I have a cup of tea in hand, have just had some toast, and am now slowly going through the stuff on this desk, which desperately needs tidying. And I figure - what better time to do it than before my parents arrive? Now is as good as ever, right? I suppose. The rest of the house could do with it too. We've made some progress, and now have two fully assembled DVD/CD, or rather "media" cabinets next to the TV where there just used to be a pile of paperwork. They are getting slowly filled up. It certainly looks much better.

So yesterday afternoon I went for a walk into the wheat field opposite. The weather was nice, I have a camera and I'm still learning how to use it. I had a serious Gladiator moment. In fact, I had wanted to take the following picture for quite a while, ever since I had seen the wheat field across the road. Yesterday was the perfect opportunity. I think I will go out and take it again once the wheat has turned yellow, and maybe in colour this time. Maybe even a wider shot. Both of these images get larger if you click on them.

If you're at all interested in the technical (Exif) details of the following image, here they are:

Camera: Canon 400D
Shutter Speed: 1/200 sec.
Lens Aperture: F/11
Flash: Did not fire
Focal Length: 34mm
ISO Speed: ISO-400
Shot In: Black and White.

Well, maybe not one hundred years I suppose. Three work days though. Since Monday I have been virtually entirely alone at work, and you know what? It's been fucking lovely.

My parents returned at 05:30 yesterday morning. That was the time that I woke up, but I do not remember hearing them arriving. I couldn't get back to sleep after that. I read for a while before getting up, then I got into work on time, I worked rather hard for the morning, came home, saw my parents for the first time in two months, had something to eat. We then went out so that I could get some new headphones.

Yes indeedy. I think I mentioned a while ago whether I could truly justify spending £80 on a pair of in-ear headphones. Yesterday, after the second day of having earphones in, my ears were agonisingly painful. I made a snap decision that I really should get some new ones. Some Bose ones. Am I glad or what? I had them in for three or so hours this morning and not a single bit of pain. It was almost as though they weren't there. Oh the joy.

By the time I got home from work yesterday I could barely stand up with both pain and exhaustion, but I went out to get those headphones, and then I went to a tutorial. Dear me, I haven't felt this shite in months, if not years. Today, I thought that I might be over it a bit. No, I surmise not. I found it very difficult to get up this morning. I couldn't do a single thing before returning to "The Box", I just sat around in the building like a vegetable. Now that I am home I am relieved and pleased.

I tried to study when I got home. I managed a couple of pages, and I think that I might forfeit the rest of the chapter as I've already decided it is unnecessary for the essay. My head is pounding. All I want to do is sleep for about three days straight. My parents left this morning - not sure when we will see them again, but I'm sure it will be within about a month.

Oh man. I long for proper sleep. You know the stuff, where you really are unconscious and then, when you wake up, you feel refreshed but also surprised that those eight or so hours have gone so quickly. I haven't had sleep like that for about a decade. I haven't felt this shite in years.

Bed is calling me. Hmm. I think that I will just lay down with the next disc of the audiobook and actually enjoy it. Especially with those new headphones.

*Clutches Head*
Ugh.

*No, I haven't read the Gabriel Garcia Marquez book of the same name. However it is on my list to be read within the next few weeks.

Hello indeed. It has been a little while. According to my Movable Type panel, it's been four days since my last entry. What Ho! I've been a little busy.

The weekend I was coerced into playing Bioshock, for some of it at least. I'm only on the second "level" if you can call it that. It scares me a little. Very atmospheric. I'll keep on trying.

Yesterday I went to work, and those four hours flew by, which is quite a surprise considering I didn't exactly do much. Last night my parents called. They are coming back. Bally well time too. Anyone would think that they had emigrated. I think this time of year is when it starts to get a little too hot for them. They are coming back to a Britain that has had some horrid weather recently, but it seems to be settling down now. The sun is shining, there is a little breeze, the washing is out, it's not too warm but warm enough to walk around without a coat.

They should be landing in Luton after midnight, and not getting here until I believe after 5am. What joy. They say they will be very quiet, that they won't go upstairs until after we're up. We tell them that they are silly because in all likelihood it either won't wake us up, or we'll already be awake. The latter I suspect as I sleep rather lightly. That will definately give me a chance to finish up the Fry book I'm reading. I'm almost at the end, and as I took Pascal's Pensées out of the library today, I could do with finishing The Liar.

What else is happening? I've been attempting to tidy up a little. I think I will just make the excuse that both studying, work and tiredness have been inthe way of me tidying properly. Indeed. It is more a case of me really not caring. At least we can see the floor, and the dining room table isn't too bad. That's all that matters.

I worked today. Oh did I work. I was charged with a kind of untangling job. In truth it was taking patch leads out of the slots at the side and hanging them down the front of the cabinet. Tomorrow I have to change all of the patch leads for some special new type that we have. Thank the powers that be for MP3 players. Oh the joy. Four hours of swapping cables about in silence, or rather with the heavy drone of the air conditioner, would have been tortuous. I cut my hands and left arm to ribbons mind you, while scraping them along the rough edges of some unterminated cables. Ah well. Shit happens.

Instead of the air conditioner, I had a couple of hours of music, good shit that I like, and then half an hour or so of the latest audio book. You know, the one I alluded to in the last entry. Broken Skin. The voice acting is fucking brilliant. Beyond brilliant almost. I only had one issue - that one of my headphones, the left one to be exact, is completely fucked. Doesn't work at all now. I mean, what do I do with that? New earphones, and the Bose in ear ones look good, but they're about £70. What if I don't like them, or, even on their smallest size, they still hurt? Maybe it's worth the punt?

Now that all is said and done, and I've done pretty much all of the tidying/cleaning that I can be bothered to do, I shall go and listen in silence to the rest of the first disc of this audiobook. What a nice way to spend an hour. That way I can listen properly.

Toodle-oo!

"The Family", what a Mafia-esq phrase. Anyway...

It would appear that my brother is trying to have a kid. Woah there. It didn't come as much of a surprise to me because his other half had spoken to me about it in the past, however, the longer it goes on since finding out, the more I find myself thinking about it. And so, here I am, fairly early in the morning musing upon this rather strange occurance.

Why is it strange? My Brother is not particularly child-friendly. In fact, he doesn't really like children that much. He doesn't stretch to the same kind of lengths of hate that I do, but he very often grumbles about them. Why would anyone who doesn't particularly like children want to have one? I hate the little shites and abstain from the rather shallow process of thinking that just because I'm married I must have a kid as people continue to ask me when I'm going to have one.

My Brother is in his late thirties - just for the record, and now I'm going to list the reasons why he should not have a kid, and why he wouldn't be a great Father.

He works too much - well, I almost put that he works too hard. In truth he just works a long way from home and doesn't get back until very late. That's no good if you've got a kid. He would bloody well know that too because we have the same Father. The very same Father that we could go weeks without seeing, who would come home late, or we'd get another call to tell us that he was in hospital having been beaten yet again. I had therapy to get over the resentment that I had towards my Father - I cannot imagine that my Brother is totally resentment free towards our Father. Therefore, I cannot understand why he would want to perpetuate an awkward situation that just hurts children.

He has no control over his money. Like so many people he spends beyond his means. Why? He was never brought up like this, I am not like this. And for as long as he keeps getting bailed out he will never learn. He cannot sustain the kind of lifestyle that he has now, how would he sustain it with a child in tow? In short, he wouldn't.

He is lazy and an utter mess. He is the epitome of lazy and messy when it comes to organisation and his house. He makes my house look like Mary Whitehouse's mind. They have not been able to see the floor in parts of their house for years because it's a mess. They cannot always sit down on the sofa because there are piles of clothes in the way. I am sure that most parents, new or otherwise, would agree that with a kid your house gets a whole lot messier. I'm not sure that is physically possible in their house, the next step on is total annihilation by nuclear bomb, only that could make the place look worse. Or maybe that would be an improvement?

And finally...he is so selfish, he's not alone in that, is partner is pretty selfish too. I think that I'm selfish, yeah, I am a selfish bitch, to a degree I'm only here for me. But these two completely surpass that. When you talk with them individually it is as though it's two people in a relationship that they were unaware they were part of. They really are poles apart. Both of them are entirely focussed on themselves and what they can get, for themselves. How would a kid fit into that? I cannot see that it would, I can only see that a kid would become somewhat of an annoyance. A responsibility that they did not think through entirely. A decision driven by age, and quite possibly by jealousy relating to the fact that even being some 15 years younger than my Brother, I got married before him. He is the kind of person that would need to show selflessness in stages, starting by getting married rather than jumping into having a kid. If he is so selfish that he cannot bring himself to get married, what is he doing considering having a child? Marriage is far more than just making things "official". It's about sharing, giving part of yourself and your life up and over to someone else, in a selfless fashion. He cannot do that for another adult, how could he do that for another adult and a very demanding child?

This kind of rash decision ranks high up in my annoyance scale next to people who have lots of children without even being able to afford one because neither of them have jobs, and those who have children because they've never had any aspirations in life.

He needs to think about whether this is really want he wants or if it's just pressure from other camps. The saddest fact is that I don't think he has ever really thought for himself, not even once in life if his attachment to our parents is anything to go by. Undoubtedly in a few years time when it falls apart it would be up to us, The Family, to fix it all and bear some of the responsibility for something that should solely be his own.

You know what the most worrying thing about this entry is? That it's being posted before 8am. Yeah, early eh? I must be bored.