The Bakers: Back and still not giving a damn about one another

So last time Becky was getting half naked in front of her parents and kid, Svetlana was picking up the slack with Topher, and Heathcliff was fucking off to go fishing every day.

baker020

For some stupid reason I decided that I wanted Becky to have another kid and dump it on her parents, so she had to meet a guy.  I would have got her back with her ex, but according to the family tree and her relationships she didn’t have an ex, and her kid Topher just materialised out of nothing, as he doesn’t have a father listed.

Anyway, I got her to meet Geoffrey Landgraab.  They met at a party, he was the only guy there that didn’t look 100% douche.  So she danced with him.  That’s nice.

baker021

I sent Becky to this party thinking that she would get some food because she was hungry, and man…it’s a party, you get food in these places.  There was none.  So, I told Becky to go and make some food for everyone to share.  This cray-cray cow freaked out at Becky cooking in someone else’s house.

I love their ideas of what is socially acceptable and what isn’t.

baker022

“Jesus guys, it’s just a fucking salad.”

baker023

While Becky was out dear Topher was at home being “looked after” by his grandparents.  There was less looking after, and more of them getting jiggy in front of him.  I think he sicked up in his mouth a bit.

baker024

Still in a bid to get away from bringing up someone else’s kid Heathcliff would now go out fishing and then dumpster diving.  Living the dream man, living the dream.

baker025

Just before Becky was about to get jiggy with Geoffrey her father got electrocuted by the TV and wandered around the house half naked.  WHAT A WAY TO MAKE AN IMPRESSION.  It’s only marginally worse than the fact that Becky made dinner for Geoffrey: grilled cheese sandwiches.

baker026

“Fuck off Dad.  I’m trying to get some!”

baker027

While his mother was getting some, and his grandfather was slightly singed Topher became a teenager.  I can only imagine how much therapy he is going need.

baker028

“Just a bad prawn guys, honest.  I couldn’t possibly be pregnant!”

baker029

And so it begins.  Topher’s odd upbringing seems to be on show now.  I wouldn’t really call that a professional face painting job that you paid §50 for.  That looks more like you smeared some kale over your face.

The Sims 3: Basic Bitching Bakers

So,  last time Becky had dumped her kid on her elderly parents to become a world class podium polisher.  Charming.

baker011

Having not created this family and knowing nothing about Becky’s parents, I have to wonder where she got her classiness from.  I have never, in my near 30 years sat on the toilet in order to eat or drink something.

baker012

Basic Bitch is at work, so her mother teaches her kid to walk.  I seriously made sure that Becky didn’t interact with her son at all.  Neither did Heathcliff in truth because I sent him out of the house permanently fishing.  Oh yeah, you can see in the corner there that their sofa has gone.

baker013

Even if it was pissing down, hailing, and sometimes an electrical storm going on Heathcliff would be out there trying to catch the perfect fish.  He never got one, but there’s no harm in trying I guess.  Gets you out of the shithole that is home.

baker014

Becky even missed her kid’s birthday because she was too busy polishing podiums so her mother had to do it.

baker015

Fuck me.  The family tree doesn’t show this kid’s father but if it did, I think he would be ashamed.

baker016

I don’t know why I included this picture.  She’s wearing a stupid dress and about to fall over with a random stranger.  Well done.

baker017

Becky can just fuck right off.  First it was the smoke bomb next to the hot dog stand, now she sets off a full on fucking firework.  Jesus Becky.

baker018

Heathcliff is so desperate to get away from his house, his Basic Bitch of a daughter and the screaming brat that he’s taken to fishing in the graveyard.  Good on you, Heath.  Enjoy the peace for now.  You’ll be a resident in there soon.

baker019

I don’t know.  I just, don’t know.  She shares a room with her parents and kid, and she sleeps half naked.  I just…I don’t even.

Back soon with more.  It really does get better.

The Sims 3: Moving on to The Bakers

So, it’s been a while since I’ve done anything about The Sims 3, yeah?  In fact, it’s been years and that’s largely because over the past few years I haven’t had time to play much.  Now I’m considering getting The Sims 4 (quite why I didn’t do that while I was off sick I don’t know) so I wanted to have one last little foray into the world of The Sims 3.  If I do get The Sims 4 any time soon then I might just do a few videos as that seems to be the cool thing to do now instead of picture stories.

This story is going to be brutally honest, I will not censor my language with the pictures or the story.  If you don’t like it, you know what to do.

baker001Meet The Bakers.  These guys were a pre-made family in the game and they were described as being something like a retired couple whose daughter moved back in with them with her son, so will her bratty little kid ruin their retirement?

Their names are damn special.  Heathcliff, Svetlana, Becky and Topher.  Topher.  Seriously guys.  Call your kid Christopher or not at all.  They didn’t have much money, which was the way I liked it because Becky’s parents were “retired” (read as lazy-fucks).

baker002

One of the first things they did after moving in was go to the summer festival where Mother and Daughter took each other on at an eating competition.

baker003I think Becky won this one.  Her ever charming mother can be seen here puking up in the foliage.

baker004

Heathcliff, despite his advancing years decided to try rollerskating.  What a douche.  He could break a hip or something.

baker005

I think we’ll learn as we go on that Becky is just a basic bitch.  Here she used some festival tickets, bought a smoke bomb and dumped it next to the hot dog stand.  Keepin’ in real Becky.  Fuck you.

baker006

Heathcliff and Svetlana spend a lot of time WooHooing.  They didn’t care who was around (as you’ll see in another post) they just liked to get jiggy.  Careful Heathcliff, you might put your hip out.  Douchebag.

baker007

This is just about the only family picture of them you’ll ever see.  I decided that Becky the Basic Bitch was going to dump her kid on her parents and go and get a high flying career.  So they all went out together once, took a picture and that was it.  Becky never spoke to that little scrote Topher again.

baker008

Svetlana had to now take care of Becky’s crotch-nugget, she had to potty train him, teach him to walk and talk, play with him, feed him.  She could often he heard in the halls of the house saying “Fuck you Becky, I had a life before this.”

baker009

Wahey!  They’d been in the house about three days and some fucking burglar comes by.  This guy stole their sofa.  Their shitty §200 sofa and that was it.  Oh yeah, you can see Becky sharing a bedroom with her parents – I bet she loves hearing them getting their sexytimez on.

baker010

I had to force Becky to get up when the burglar broke in.  She didn’t even notice.  Basic Bitch.  She called the cops (I made her call the cops) and then instead of being freaked out about it, she started telling the cop how amazing she was at polishing podiums.  Oh yeah, she’s in her pants too, nothing like letting everything hang out in front of the law.

Next part coming soon because this lot are gold.

Many, many thanks to all you Sims players

I’ve had pages up about The Sims 3 for ages.  Before this incarnation of my website I had stuff about previous versions of The Sims.  It’s nothing new to me.  However, the current amount of visits and comments really is.

I don’t play The Sims 3 much any more simply because I spend my time working and commuting and after that there’s not much left for anything else.  I also haven’t updated the Sims pages on here for probably at least a year.  However, some days I get close to a thousand page views.  In a single day I can get ten comments waiting for approval (sorry it has to be done that way, I get so much spam otherwise).

All of this I actually find rather surprising because of my lack of updates.  However, it’s lovely proof that people are still playing The Sims 3.  Unfortunately, the last expansion pack I got was Ambitions.  I’m slightly taken by the idea of getting Generations and/or Seasons.  If I do, I’ll be updating stuff on here, no doubt.

Keep playing little internet chums.  This is a good thing.  And if EA release a Sims 4, make sure they don’t screw it up like they did with Sims City.

Loser McLuckerson: And, finally…

In the second instalment of Loser’s life, he found a laydee fwiend.

Did he or didn't he die?!

Loser’s life sucks, so it’s not entirely a crazy idea that as he’s dying from, yet another, electric shock, he’s being burgled.  Alas, it wasn’t quite like that.

Fight it out ladies

Loser didn’t die from the shock given by the television.  Oh no, he was given yet another reprieve by that crazy Grim Reaper.  Instead, he watched a couple of women fight it out in his front yard.

And then he got old

Finally he became an elder.  Shame about the emo haircut.

AGAIN?!

Surely there’s no point in Grim keeping this guy alive?  He’s in his twilight years anyway, so why go on draining the state with his continued existence?

Fancy a shag?

Seems like, after saving his life 3 times, Grim has become rather attached to dear old Loser.  Even propositioning him.

Messing with science is dangerous

Dear old Loser performed an experiment on his shower, but it didn’t work.  I was disappointed as all that happened was these visual artifacts.  I was hoping he’d be electrocuted and resurrected every single time he used it.

'Ello little girl!

She has every right to look worried, who wouldn’t be with this paedo-alike stalking around outside their school?  He was actually looking for his kids (yes, I do mean the plural, he had a daughter too) so that he could build a relationship with them before he popped his clogs.

Chip off the old block

Meet Omar, Loser’s son.  They began to become friendly and got quite a good relationship going towards the end there.

"Now son, learn from me...

…never dip your pen in company ink.  That’s how people like you come into existence.”  Always the charmer, Loser.

Death becomes him

And now, the end is here.  A little while after seeing his Son for the last time, attempting to make it all up to his daughter, and receiving this cut gem in the post, Grim pays Loser one final visit.  And this time it really is final.  Loser rides off into the sunset with Grim.

It was actually quite fun playing someone so damn depressed and miserable all of the time.  I did enjoy forcing him to do things that I knew he hated.  Hating the outdoors was just the icing on the cake because he had such a bad attitude.  It’s quite the wonder that he got to the top of the science career.  It only took a few days to play through his entire life, unlike months to do others such as the Funkes.

Now I’ve got my copy of Ambitions, I should have harder, better, faster, stronger stuff to post in the near future.

Loser McLuckerson: Part Two

Previously, Loser McLuckerson moved in and got a job.  He also committed a horrific fashion faux pas.

When a guy meets a girl...

Loser met this girl at work.  Talk about pen and company ink.  Or, as they were both in the science career, it would be pipette and test tube.  She was a bit of a weird one.  I couldn’t actually work out if she was broken hearted because her Mother had died (on the family tree it still showed her as alive) or if her lesbian lover had died.  Never found out either.

"Are you married?" "SHE'S DEAD!!!"

Yeah…she had some mental issues.

*Cough* Weirdo *Splutter*

It’s only an autumn salad.  An OAP could eat that without their teeth in.  No need to get so choked up about it.

Loser's also a loser in love

So, he tried to bang this girl.  She just rolled over and went to sleep.

She got banged eventually

He must have screwed her eventually, unless the autumn salad was really that bad.

Err...you've put on weight.

After their pretty poor sex session, he went a little while without seeing her.  Then, one evening he invited her round, she accepted.  She looked a little more, er, portly around the middle, shall we say?

You've already got one kid, apparently.

So, they had one kid.  Loser was virtually unaware of this, although I did send him round to her house in an attempt to meet his son.  Unfortunately, despite there being this woman and her sister in the house, and him standing outside ringing the door bell for 3 hours, neither of them bothered to answer.  The kid was called Omar by the way.

Finally!

So, she finally let him in a few days later.  He met his first born son, Omar, who was already a toddler.

Eww, what is this thing?

Thank fuck it doesn’t look like Loser.  However, I think he wants to hand it over to someone else.  He really does look like someone just handed him a turd.

Back to his old tricks

WILL HE OR WON’T HE DIE?!?!?

Loser McLuckerson: Part One

So here’s a new, and very short, series about a Sim.  This time I decided to create a sim who had solely negative traits.  Let’s see what I can remember: he hated the outdoors, had commitment issues, was unlucky and hated children.  Oh yeah, his name was Loser McLuckerson.  FTW!

Meet Mr. Loser McLuckerson

So this is Loser, eh?  I think his biggest problems are that he lives in a trailer, and that he looks like Michael Jackson.  The last one will probably be the biggest hindrance.

Oh shut up, woman. Get back in the kitchen.

When he first moved in, some random people from the neighbourhood just pitched up at his door.  He invited them in, you know to be a bit friendly and all.  All those bitches did was whine about him and his house.

SRSLY woman, STFU.

If your name was Loser McLuckerson, you’d be pretty poor and living in a trailer too.

Nothing like fielding shit from all sides.

Not only did he have to deflect shit from the elitist neighbours, but he also had to unclog his shitcaked bargain john.

Smooth move dude.

He thought he was really something.  Then he stuck his damn screwdriver up the TV.  Sheesh.

Have mercy on my soul

Grim had mercy on the poor boy, and, being amused by Loser’s stupidity and general…loserness, he spared the boy.  Loser was free to live another day, sticking his bloody screwdriver where it wasn’t welcome.

Just a normal day at work, eh?

Loser got a job at the science facility.  This was just a normal day, getting a bit singed and all.  What I loved about him being called Loser, was that all these things would pop up while he was at work, such as “someone sprayed the water cooler into his crotch, so now he looks like he pissed himself.  Everyone thinks that Loser is a loser.”  RLY?  No shit, Sherlock!

FOR SHAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FOR SHAME!!!!!!1!!!!!11!!!!!!!eleventy!!!1!! Shoes, with trousers that are too short, and NO SOCKS!  If I were Loser, I’d be saying: FML.

Don't even, just don't.

Stop thinking about it, you won’t get anywhere with her.  Not even a ho would screw you, Loser.

It's dead, Loser. Get over it!

Despite hating the outdoors, I forced him to do a lot of gardening.  Everytime one of his plants ended its useful life, ran out of stuff to harvest and died, he would cry.  Cry like a freaking baby had taken his damn candy.  He’d then cry everytime he put the stuff in the trash.  What a Loser!

The Funke Family: Part Fourteen

Oooh, a delay.  I have a real life, you see, and haven’t played much in the way of games lately.  Age is definitely catching up with the Tempers.

Wedded bliss

But first, a pretty little interlude I think, Dominique got married one evening in Central Park.  How lovely.

An oldie, and a baddie

Dustina became an elder one evening.  A little while later she also became the Emperor of Evil.  Something she has been building up to since she murdered her sister when she was a teenager.

Takes after his mother

Duncan Jnr here obviously takes after his Mother.  He joined the criminal career, and seems to be spending a lot of time in jail.  How proud his Father would be, I’m sure.

Dustella becomes an elder too

It was time for the remaining pair of the triplets to become elders.

Dominque too...

I hate the way their hair returns to the default whenever they age up.  That’s really irritating.

Dominique's husband joins in with the fun

I believe he’s called Daryl, and he aged up the day after his Wife.

It's a living...

I can’t quite tell if she does this for her job or if she just enjoys getting dirrrrrty.

A pink limo? Yeah...chav central.

Dominique decided to do an autograph session at the stadium.  She turned up in a vehicle that is just the height of class.

Yay for virgins?

Because of Dominique’s  busy schedule, she and her husband didn’t get to woohoo until they were both elders.  Umm…lovely.  Funnily enough, they don’t have any kids.

Adults FTW.

Duncan Jnr became a proper adult.  He is the youngest person in the household, with everyone else being an elder.  Damn, he must get fed up of wandering around and finding Tena Lady, The Nut Bra, and Oops I crapped my pants.  He’s also pretty tired of waking up during the night and hearing this pathetic little voice shouting “Help!  I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up!

The Funke Family: Part Thirteen

Previously, people died, and people got old.  That’s life, yah know.

Oh dear, what have we here?

Dustella, on her knees at a toilet.  Don’t worry, she’s not up the duff, she a vegetarian and I made her eat some meat.  I completely forgot she was vegetarian.

Playing happy families.

Dustina and her measely little Husband argue about the fact that he wants another kid, and she doesn’t.  She really doesn’t.

Duncan Jnr becomes a teenager

And while they argue, their only son Duncan Jnr becomes a teenager.  Do they notice?  Of course not.

Right, that's it. Show's over.

Dustina decided she’d had enough, she broke up their marriage and threw him out of the house.  Will someone think of the children!

The remaining triplets become proper adults

Only a picture one of them because they looked exactly the same as they did when they were young adults, so what was the point of two pictures?

Adonis and his adoring fans

I quite like doing the autograph sessions when I have a famous sim.  It’s neat to see how many of them pitch a fit and leave because he doesn’t sign the things quick enough.  Right about this point, my game started randomly crashing.  No idea why, but after a restart it all seemed to be okay.  I hope it doesn’t become a regular thing.

Just a normal day at the library

Duncan Jnr loved the library.  He saw all sorts of things there, amongst the books.  It would appear that death was one of them.

Death at home too

Looks like we can’t escape death around the Funkes at the moment.  Adonis decided to die on the toilet.

Looks like he's auditioning for N.W.A

Yes, I do know what N.W.A. stands for.  I’m nobody’s foo’.

She moves fast.

So, Dominique had this opportunity to convince someone that Logic is great.  She did that, and the following day she proposed to the guy.  Can’t keep her down, huh?

The Funke Family: Part Twelve

So, some evil bitch got married and then dropped a sprog.

When yah gotta go, yah gotta go

Off you go Irene.  It’s finally your time.

Handbags at dawn

Dustina and her Husband weren’t getting along so good.  She would complain at him for not washing the dishes and not taking out the trash.  Would this become a serious problem for them?

Don't they grow up fast

Little Duncan Jnr became a toddler.

Nothing like a bit of unity

They still weren’t getting on.  Duncan would come home from a long day at work, kissing ass and not getting that promotion, only to find his wife hadn’t bothered to get dressed and sat on the computer all day.

Long walk, short pier, methinks?

Seriously Dustina, the way your life is going at the moment, I think it would be worthwhile you considering the long walk off a short pier.

Dustina didn't the right thing...

So Dustina finally got herself a job.  Yep, being evil she became a criminal.  WTG!  On one of her first nights as a getaway driver, she was picked up by the fuzz.  Great example for your kid, and awesome for your husband’s promotion prospects.

Headline: Jailbird mother misses son's birthday!

I hope you’re proud of yourself Dustina, because your son certainly isn’t.

Young and naieve no more

You’re an adult now Dustina.  Don’t look so shocked.

The sex pest husband

It was Duncan’s birthday, he looked virtually the same after aging up.  However, he became an absolute sex pest.  Everytime Dustina was in bed (asleep that is) he would autonomously choose to Try for Baby, and then sit there waiting for her to wake up.  She never did.  Their relationship continued to get even lower.

The Adonis becomes an OAP

Having reached the pinnacle of stardom in the professional sports career, won all of his games, and also reached the pinnacle of fitness, Adonis became an elder.  Did he quit his job?  Of course not.  He went on playing for the team, but how long before he breaks a hip?