The Bakers: Back and still not giving a damn about one another

So last time Becky was getting half naked in front of her parents and kid, Svetlana was picking up the slack with Topher, and Heathcliff was fucking off to go fishing every day.

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For some stupid reason I decided that I wanted Becky to have another kid and dump it on her parents, so she had to meet a guy.  I would have got her back with her ex, but according to the family tree and her relationships she didn’t have an ex, and her kid Topher just materialised out of nothing, as he doesn’t have a father listed.

Anyway, I got her to meet Geoffrey Landgraab.  They met at a party, he was the only guy there that didn’t look 100% douche.  So she danced with him.  That’s nice.

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I sent Becky to this party thinking that she would get some food because she was hungry, and man…it’s a party, you get food in these places.  There was none.  So, I told Becky to go and make some food for everyone to share.  This cray-cray cow freaked out at Becky cooking in someone else’s house.

I love their ideas of what is socially acceptable and what isn’t.

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“Jesus guys, it’s just a fucking salad.”

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While Becky was out dear Topher was at home being “looked after” by his grandparents.  There was less looking after, and more of them getting jiggy in front of him.  I think he sicked up in his mouth a bit.

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Still in a bid to get away from bringing up someone else’s kid Heathcliff would now go out fishing and then dumpster diving.  Living the dream man, living the dream.

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Just before Becky was about to get jiggy with Geoffrey her father got electrocuted by the TV and wandered around the house half naked.  WHAT A WAY TO MAKE AN IMPRESSION.  It’s only marginally worse than the fact that Becky made dinner for Geoffrey: grilled cheese sandwiches.

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“Fuck off Dad.  I’m trying to get some!”

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While his mother was getting some, and his grandfather was slightly singed Topher became a teenager.  I can only imagine how much therapy he is going need.

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“Just a bad prawn guys, honest.  I couldn’t possibly be pregnant!”

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And so it begins.  Topher’s odd upbringing seems to be on show now.  I wouldn’t really call that a professional face painting job that you paid §50 for.  That looks more like you smeared some kale over your face.

The Sims 3: Basic Bitching Bakers

So,  last time Becky had dumped her kid on her elderly parents to become a world class podium polisher.  Charming.

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Having not created this family and knowing nothing about Becky’s parents, I have to wonder where she got her classiness from.  I have never, in my near 30 years sat on the toilet in order to eat or drink something.

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Basic Bitch is at work, so her mother teaches her kid to walk.  I seriously made sure that Becky didn’t interact with her son at all.  Neither did Heathcliff in truth because I sent him out of the house permanently fishing.  Oh yeah, you can see in the corner there that their sofa has gone.

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Even if it was pissing down, hailing, and sometimes an electrical storm going on Heathcliff would be out there trying to catch the perfect fish.  He never got one, but there’s no harm in trying I guess.  Gets you out of the shithole that is home.

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Becky even missed her kid’s birthday because she was too busy polishing podiums so her mother had to do it.

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Fuck me.  The family tree doesn’t show this kid’s father but if it did, I think he would be ashamed.

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I don’t know why I included this picture.  She’s wearing a stupid dress and about to fall over with a random stranger.  Well done.

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Becky can just fuck right off.  First it was the smoke bomb next to the hot dog stand, now she sets off a full on fucking firework.  Jesus Becky.

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Heathcliff is so desperate to get away from his house, his Basic Bitch of a daughter and the screaming brat that he’s taken to fishing in the graveyard.  Good on you, Heath.  Enjoy the peace for now.  You’ll be a resident in there soon.

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I don’t know.  I just, don’t know.  She shares a room with her parents and kid, and she sleeps half naked.  I just…I don’t even.

Back soon with more.  It really does get better.

The Sims 3: Moving on to The Bakers

So, it’s been a while since I’ve done anything about The Sims 3, yeah?  In fact, it’s been years and that’s largely because over the past few years I haven’t had time to play much.  Now I’m considering getting The Sims 4 (quite why I didn’t do that while I was off sick I don’t know) so I wanted to have one last little foray into the world of The Sims 3.  If I do get The Sims 4 any time soon then I might just do a few videos as that seems to be the cool thing to do now instead of picture stories.

This story is going to be brutally honest, I will not censor my language with the pictures or the story.  If you don’t like it, you know what to do.

baker001Meet The Bakers.  These guys were a pre-made family in the game and they were described as being something like a retired couple whose daughter moved back in with them with her son, so will her bratty little kid ruin their retirement?

Their names are damn special.  Heathcliff, Svetlana, Becky and Topher.  Topher.  Seriously guys.  Call your kid Christopher or not at all.  They didn’t have much money, which was the way I liked it because Becky’s parents were “retired” (read as lazy-fucks).

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One of the first things they did after moving in was go to the summer festival where Mother and Daughter took each other on at an eating competition.

baker003I think Becky won this one.  Her ever charming mother can be seen here puking up in the foliage.

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Heathcliff, despite his advancing years decided to try rollerskating.  What a douche.  He could break a hip or something.

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I think we’ll learn as we go on that Becky is just a basic bitch.  Here she used some festival tickets, bought a smoke bomb and dumped it next to the hot dog stand.  Keepin’ in real Becky.  Fuck you.

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Heathcliff and Svetlana spend a lot of time WooHooing.  They didn’t care who was around (as you’ll see in another post) they just liked to get jiggy.  Careful Heathcliff, you might put your hip out.  Douchebag.

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This is just about the only family picture of them you’ll ever see.  I decided that Becky the Basic Bitch was going to dump her kid on her parents and go and get a high flying career.  So they all went out together once, took a picture and that was it.  Becky never spoke to that little scrote Topher again.

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Svetlana had to now take care of Becky’s crotch-nugget, she had to potty train him, teach him to walk and talk, play with him, feed him.  She could often he heard in the halls of the house saying “Fuck you Becky, I had a life before this.”

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Wahey!  They’d been in the house about three days and some fucking burglar comes by.  This guy stole their sofa.  Their shitty §200 sofa and that was it.  Oh yeah, you can see Becky sharing a bedroom with her parents – I bet she loves hearing them getting their sexytimez on.

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I had to force Becky to get up when the burglar broke in.  She didn’t even notice.  Basic Bitch.  She called the cops (I made her call the cops) and then instead of being freaked out about it, she started telling the cop how amazing she was at polishing podiums.  Oh yeah, she’s in her pants too, nothing like letting everything hang out in front of the law.

Next part coming soon because this lot are gold.

Welcome Back

It’s been a while since I did a post relating to The Sims, right?  A very long time.

Life get in the way, and by life I actually mean work mainly.  I just don’t have time to play for the most part.  And then, last month, my PC died.  Totally died.  Died to the point that I had to decide what to sacrifice from it – did I want to keep my 50,000+ photographs, or did I want to keep The Sims?  I chose the photographs.  So on my PC my last set of Sims are no more.  Shame, they were a funny bunch.

I might just go back to The Sims at some point, if I happen to get an excess of time.  But for now, I’ve moved on to something a little bit exciting…

SIMCITY!

Death and destruction at the Ugleh household

Ugleh066I shit you not.  Those fucking idiots managed to set fire to their own house during their toddler’s birthday party.  How?!  With the bloody birthday cake.

Ugleh067Once the sexy fireman had been and put the flames out, everyone carried on like nothing had happened.  What’shisname didn’t even have a tiny bit of soot on his lovely white jacket.

Ugleh068At least she’s excited her kid has grown up, he doesn’t look too enamoured.

Ugleh069Meanwhile, Vereh’s other son is outside murdering her army of snowmen.

Ugleh070What?  I don’t…I just don’t even.  The game decided pretty quickly that these kids were going to become toddlers.  Fair enough, but she apparently has to get into the cot to help this.  Or is she hindering this?

Ugleh071The first one, whose name I cannot remember (I’m not good with names) grew up.  They’ve got really camp names, one of them is Orlando, and the other is…Piers I think.

Ugleh072Both blonde I see.  Just another 80 days of being toddlers, or something that painfully long.  Bring it on, let us see if they are as weird as their older brothers.  Maybe one day she’ll even have a girl!

The Ugleh Children grow up!

Ugleh058Imagine my surprise when she comes out of the damn hospital with twins.  This was a moment of revelation when I recalled that I did actually purchase the fertility treatment thing for both of them.  I was obviously having a dumb week when I did all of this.

Ugleh059Then shit started to go funny again.  My game was running very slow.  Just before this, she was stuck knee deep in the floor of her dining room so I had to reset her, and this is what happened.  I kid you not.  The case of Vereh Ugleh and her very floaty baby.  What’shisname obviously wonders what’s going down.  Oh wait no…he doesn’t, just before they did the midnight flit to have the kid in hospital, he dumped that toddler he’s holding in the snow outside.  Even the babysitter left the little shit out there until they came back.

Ugleh060Yep, she is bench pressing her newborn baby.

Ugleh061Whatever disease it is that one of them had is now spreading.

Ugleh062For a while their lives went on as normal so this is the next big milestone.  Their toddler were (finally) becoming children.  Vereh thought it would be nice to throw a formal party.  Looking at that picture, all is going well.  People are wishing they’d come in disguise, some are being ignored, others are wishing the little shit bags would shut up, and Vereh is trying to endear herself to her ‘step-son’ which she didn’t even know existed.

Ugleh063While one kid gets the party started, the other sits in the background looked stoned out of their head.

Ugleh064Got his father’s face and body, but he’s working on his mother’s eyebrows.  Damn, dey some gooooooooood brow.  Just wait until he’s a teenager, will they get big enough to take over the world?

Ugleh065And now for the second twin.  It appears that not only is there an adult playing with a kid’s toy, but also someone has got naked and left the  clothes in the kitchen and that kid is still stoned out of their skull.

I’m actually going to leave this one right there.  You have to wait for the next installment to find out what happens.  You can probably guess, it’s not…normal.

The Sims 3: Enough with all the weird shit!

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And, so we’re back with the ever charming Ugleh family.  I’ve been having some issues with my game, particularly since installing Seasons (no, don’t blame my PC, I’m yet to meet anyone else who has a six core processor and 8GB RAM).  Some of my problems (read: most) are like the one above.  That kid has issues.

Ugleh051I made my sim’s winter last the full 28 days.  I’ve been playing for a good couple of hours per day by the time I’ve put these images up, and it’s still bloody winter.  So what’s the head of the household going to do?  Go outside and make some hot dogs.  Well done, you’re only knee deep in snow.

Ugleh052This guy loves his kids so much he actually wears gloves to pick them up.

Ugleh053One day I was playing and noticed that their relationship wasn’t looking too hot, so I got them a bit friendly again.  I also completely forgot that choosing “Try for a baby” would mean she’d probably end up up the duff again, which was what I didn’t want.  I went with it any way.  Let’s see how she copes.

Ugleh054Oh yeah.  Shock of my playing this particular day!  The door bell rang…I sent what’shisname to answer it.  Only bloody turns out the person at the door is his son.  I didn’t even know he had a son.

Ugleh055Some shit did actually go wrong with my game in that it wouldn’t save when I tried to exit, so she ended up showing she was pregnant twice.  However many times, this kid can only shudder and think “Dat ass.”

Ugleh056Heavily up the duff?  Why don’t you go and throw yourself on to the ground in freezing weather!  Nothing like a bit of livener!

Ugleh057She rolled this want to make an army of snowmen.  So in the middle of making her army of snowmen she decided it was time to drop a sprog.  Right now, she doesn’t look too bothered by it, but What’shisname does.  I really wanted her to drop the sprog outside in the snow, but she insisted on going to hospital.

What’s next for the Ugleh Family?  How many more kids will she manage to have?!

The Sims 3: Seasons

Winter is ComingI finally got The Sims 3: Seasons.

After an absolute ball ache getting it installed, I’m rather enjoying my time with it.  I’ve been rather mean though, as their spring and summer last only 7 days their autumn is 10 days and their winter…28.  After the winter we had in Britain through 2012/2013, it was the least I could do.

Along with this new expansion pack comes a new family with new ideas and…looks.  These will be posted soon.

Remember…Winter is coming.

Many, many thanks to all you Sims players

I’ve had pages up about The Sims 3 for ages.  Before this incarnation of my website I had stuff about previous versions of The Sims.  It’s nothing new to me.  However, the current amount of visits and comments really is.

I don’t play The Sims 3 much any more simply because I spend my time working and commuting and after that there’s not much left for anything else.  I also haven’t updated the Sims pages on here for probably at least a year.  However, some days I get close to a thousand page views.  In a single day I can get ten comments waiting for approval (sorry it has to be done that way, I get so much spam otherwise).

All of this I actually find rather surprising because of my lack of updates.  However, it’s lovely proof that people are still playing The Sims 3.  Unfortunately, the last expansion pack I got was Ambitions.  I’m slightly taken by the idea of getting Generations and/or Seasons.  If I do, I’ll be updating stuff on here, no doubt.

Keep playing little internet chums.  This is a good thing.  And if EA release a Sims 4, make sure they don’t screw it up like they did with Sims City.

Loser McLuckerson: And, finally…

In the second instalment of Loser’s life, he found a laydee fwiend.

Did he or didn't he die?!

Loser’s life sucks, so it’s not entirely a crazy idea that as he’s dying from, yet another, electric shock, he’s being burgled.  Alas, it wasn’t quite like that.

Fight it out ladies

Loser didn’t die from the shock given by the television.  Oh no, he was given yet another reprieve by that crazy Grim Reaper.  Instead, he watched a couple of women fight it out in his front yard.

And then he got old

Finally he became an elder.  Shame about the emo haircut.

AGAIN?!

Surely there’s no point in Grim keeping this guy alive?  He’s in his twilight years anyway, so why go on draining the state with his continued existence?

Fancy a shag?

Seems like, after saving his life 3 times, Grim has become rather attached to dear old Loser.  Even propositioning him.

Messing with science is dangerous

Dear old Loser performed an experiment on his shower, but it didn’t work.  I was disappointed as all that happened was these visual artifacts.  I was hoping he’d be electrocuted and resurrected every single time he used it.

'Ello little girl!

She has every right to look worried, who wouldn’t be with this paedo-alike stalking around outside their school?  He was actually looking for his kids (yes, I do mean the plural, he had a daughter too) so that he could build a relationship with them before he popped his clogs.

Chip off the old block

Meet Omar, Loser’s son.  They began to become friendly and got quite a good relationship going towards the end there.

"Now son, learn from me...

…never dip your pen in company ink.  That’s how people like you come into existence.”  Always the charmer, Loser.

Death becomes him

And now, the end is here.  A little while after seeing his Son for the last time, attempting to make it all up to his daughter, and receiving this cut gem in the post, Grim pays Loser one final visit.  And this time it really is final.  Loser rides off into the sunset with Grim.

It was actually quite fun playing someone so damn depressed and miserable all of the time.  I did enjoy forcing him to do things that I knew he hated.  Hating the outdoors was just the icing on the cake because he had such a bad attitude.  It’s quite the wonder that he got to the top of the science career.  It only took a few days to play through his entire life, unlike months to do others such as the Funkes.

Now I’ve got my copy of Ambitions, I should have harder, better, faster, stronger stuff to post in the near future.