Recently in Work Category

I fancied writing this down. I'm not the kind of person who believes in or does new year resolutions, but rather I prefer to think of things that I would like to achieve at some point in the year, new year or not. I'll break this down into categories, and bear in mind that this will not only be the good/interesting/fun things that I want to do, but also a few predictions.

Degree
I have a set goal with my degree: to finish it, and get a proper job. I know, easier said than done I am sure. Within the calendar year of 2009, I will have sampled three seperate courses. There's AA100 which I started in October 2008. Then there's A210 which begins in February 2009. And then in October 2009 I will start U211. Three seperate courses in one year. Beyond that, there's only two more courses to do. The realisation of that is quite a strange one, because it feels as though I have only just begun and that I have a very long way to go. In truth, I don't. It's not that far away, and graduation should be in the summer of 2011. What a strange feeling. I hope to meander my way through A210 to the best of my ability - I am sure it is not as difficult as the rather threatening material makes it look.

Books
Last year I made a book list that I intended to get through. No such luck. I sucked in every attempt that I made, and judging by my previous entry about my reading in 2008, I wasn't anywhere near as erudite as I wished to be in my literary choices. This year, I hope to change my piss poor attempt into a much better one. It's only 5th January, but I am coming towards the end of the most recent book that I purchased, which is 600 pages. I am hopeful that I will read more this year. I am also hopeful that I will read better stuff too. As I have two books by Ayn Rand, a number of romantic writings, and the complete works of William Shakespeare to get through, I think I am on a much better path than 2008.

Work
With one of our guys off for the long haul, I fear and very much feel that we were going to get heavily rammed. Arse. With The Boss being forced to take two weeks worth of holiday this month, there will only be two of us in the department, and with me only being a part-timer, for half of the time there will only be one person. Not looking good. Our problem is not the work and the stuff that we are required to do, it is other people and their lack of tact as well as their impatience. I will definately not resolve to be nicer to people because most people that I come across that I have to work with don't deserve it because of their bad attitude towards us. It's going to be a difficult start to the year and I hope it doesn't last too long.

Learning for Learning's sake
I like learning. I'm one of these people who can put the Discovery channel on and watch it all day. I love learning solely for the sake of learning new stuff. I think that we are a rare breed of people and it saddens me that there are not more of us. Anyway, this year, my challenge is to start learning a new language. I've mentioned it before - Russian. I am under no illusions that I can learn much of a language with a Cyrillic alphabet within the space of one calendar year. However, I simply wish to start learning as we all have to start somewhere, and I really want the challenge.

Games/Consoles/Computers
We have rather neglected our xBox recently. That must change. Not only that, but I have been seriously neglecting the games that I used to play on this machine. Since installing a new Razer gaming mouse last week, I have started playing Day of Defeat: Source again. It is fun, and I think that I had forgotten that. It's nice to be back, even if I do suck at it. I do resolve to do one thing: take better care of this machine. It was running hot recently (35ºC immediately after being turned on, and 55ºC while playing games), and today I hoovered it out. Now it's 10-15ºC lower which can only be good, surely? You should have seen the disgusting amounts of dust in there, especially under the CPU fan. There's a lesson for you - hoover out your PC every few months, it can make a massive difference. On one more unrelated note, for as long as EA keep advertisements and spyware in their new release of The Sims 3, I am not buying it. Sorry EA, but you've just lost yourself a very loyal customer of 8 years.

Life in General
On the morning after our second anniversary, The Boss and I were sat having breakfast in the hotel in London. The Boss could see a family behind me and he was annoyed by the behaviour of the children. We then started talking about children. After a short pause, he said "One of us should get sterilised", or words to that effect. I agree, at least one of us should get neutered. I may only be in my early twenties and he in his mid-twenties, but we know that children aren't for us. We're more the work focussed type. We don't want interruptions or to have to take time out for someone else. I also don't want to ruin my relatively nice body - I'm very happy with the way it looks now. In 40 years time, I want to look like Helen Mirren in a Bikini, not like a lot of these women you see on things like Embarrassing Illnesses with massive amounts of stretch marks and extra skin. Nah, not for me. In 2009 one of us will probably be neutered, which one is yet to be decided. As I have had abdominal surgery before, I need to see a gynaecologist first (I hate the word gynaecologist, it makes me want to hurl). As shallow as we may seem, the choice to remain without children is a more difficult one than to blindly follow society and have some because "everyone does it".

We might travel a little. Apparently I would like Prague.

We might get a dog. Rescue dog of course - what breed and age we do not know, but it is something that comes up in conversation quite regularly.

Beyond all of that, there really is little to talk about. I hope that 2009 won't be terribly exciting in a bad way, but I also hope that the world doesn't come to an end. I'm not ready for that yet. Are you?

This week has felt so long. So damn long. But also so quick at the same time.

We've been one member of the department down all week. We've had stupid calls from people complaining about something not working, but when we get there it's fine. It's just...urgh. Today has been particularly long. I went in a bit early as The Boss was away today. I ended up leaving an hour after I should have done, because I spent an hour with some people whom I detest. Yeah, I certainly detest these people. They make me despair. They are so retarded. I am surprised that I manage to keep my calm.

At the moment, I'm listening to an Audio CD from the OU about poetry and the Faber Book of Beasts. It's dull. There was a track with people reading extracts from various poems, and the choice of voice actors was so bad. They were so patronising, or boring. At least get a nice voice that can capture people's interest.

Some of these discs didn't work in this computer when I tried it. Then there was that abject failure of a Day School, and now there's this comatosingly boring Audio CD. I'm quickly losing my fervour for this OU course, and in fact the OU as a whole. These things aren't difficult, or are they? Is there something that I'm missing? Honestly, they have some of the course writers being interviewed either in audio or in video and they are so terrible. You can tell they're either trying to remember a script, or they're nervous. Ugh. It's simply painful and so off putting to have to listen to or watch hours of this painful drivel. Sometimes I have to wonder why I bother watching or listening to these. It's not as though they add anymore to the content of the book. If you do the stuff it says in the book, in the case of this audio CD, read the Faber Book of Beasts, then you'll have come across most of the stuff on the Audio CD. The fact that other people read them makes no difference to me. In fact, I am most put off just by the voices and tones. None of the people on these discs enthrall me. I often end up ejecting them before I finish. They're just so boring.

I really can't wait until February. I should be starting a new course, A210: Approaching Literature. I hope that it will be better than this one, and I can do it properly as it's a Level 2. Then in October 2009 I will be onto am English language course, and in February 2010 Shakespeare. I hope that also in February 2010 I can take my final Level 3 course in order to finish the whole degree. I've become very tired of the pace recently.

Not to mention that my experiences at work are making me wish to move on, and that can only be done once I have a degree. You know...some people just drive me mad. They're so stupid and I have such a small tolerance of them. I wish more people would use what is called 'initiative' rather than making their first port of call our phone number and demanding help. I hate that so much. If they had genuinely urgent problems, it wouldn't be a problem. However, none of them ever have urgent problems. They're all bullshit ones such as something really inconsequential isn't working, something looks bad, something is in the wrong place, they can't get onto Facebook.

1) Something isn't working - 99% of the time it's because they're doing it wrong.
2) Something looks bad - 99% of the it's because they don't know how to use the software and they have the formatting wrong.
3) Something is in the wrong place - as above.
4) They can't get onto Facebook/a website is blocked - you can't get onto Facebook because it's blocked, as that crock of shit should be. As for a website being blocked, it gives directions on what to do if they think it's wrong. How many of them do that? Zero. The majority call us or come in to see us with a really nasty attitude about it.

Well fuck them. We're not here to teach them how to use software. We're here to fix problems, and their inability to use software is not our problem. With that kind of attitude, they don't get any service from us. The longer they continue that attitude, the lower down the list their request goes. Is it difficult to be polite? When people are polite to us, we are polite in turn. When people send e-mails saying "WHY IS THIS PAGE BLOCKED?!?!?!????!?!!!!?!?! THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH IT!! I DEMAND YOU UNBLOCK IT IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!!!!!!" Uhm...no. Get some manners. FFS.

See why I need a new job? I wholly understand that it's a case of same shit, different view, but if I at least enjoy the job, it might not be so bad.

On another note, I've worked out what to do about missing the recordings of Spooks. I've made a card for Father and ordered Series 6 as conciliation. Let us hope that it arrives before they go home.

Do you ever get home of a day and despair about your experience at work? I've been doing that for a while now about various departments and individuals. The dudes that I work directly with are cool, in fact we are a super cool department. It's those on the outside that are retards.

For a while now, I've been doing photographs for a group of people who are making a calendar for someone that is leaving. We managed to get quite a few together. There were 3 not done. Two of them eventually were chosen from photos that they already had. The last one...well, it was supposed to be of two departments together. I waited for a month for them to get themselves together and do it. It came to yesterday and it still hadn't been done. Eventually, the woman in charge decided not to bother persuing that one and used another photo that they already had.

How freaking difficult is it to get together for 10 minutes to take a photograph? They've had a month, in fact, they've had since July to sort it out, and they're telling me that they didn't have 10 minutes to spare in four months? What a crock of shit. They're too retarded more like.

What pissed me off the most was, what I think I mentioned before, that someone from one of these departments expected me to come in on a Saturday and take photographs at their event. I don't fucking think so. Who the hell does she think she is? Was she going to pay me? Of course not. She would have expected it to be 'a favour'. It completely throws me how selfish and stupid some people here are. Or rather, how much of an over-inflated idea of their self worth.

Today I got an e-mail from someone who is getting this calendar printed, who was saying that they had uploaded some of the photos to whoever they were using print (even though I had told them to wait until I had finished tweaking them). She was complaining that one of the photos was saying that the resolution wasn't high enough for printing. She couldn't tell the difference between the images? Some are almost 4000 pixels wide, and the one of 'poor resolution' was no bigger than her hand. Can't see that there's something wrong there? Truly, can't see that? How the hell can people have a proper job if they can't see the differences between things? It's such a massive difference when you look at the two images. Honestly guys...just how did you get a job? How do you survive out in the big wide world?

That last bit there reminds me of a woman whom I know in passing. She is the wife of one of the guys that I work with. She happened to be in the room with me once when I was watching some kids outside the office have an epiphany about the LED sign that tells them which teacher is in which classroom. It was such a dumb conversation that I sat open mouthed at it. She then said to me "Do you ever wonder how they will get on in the real world?"

I choked.

This was coming from a woman whose only job was for a few months at McDonald's, and who then decided to give up working completely because she was pregnant. A woman, who, at the first sign that she might be forced to go out into the big wide world to get a job, decides to get pregnant again. She does nothing but frivolously spend her husband's money on things that they don't need, and then complains that they do not have any money. A woman who dreams up grand ideas for herself, completely forgetting she has any kids or a husband and expects him to look after two kids while working full time. A woman who saw fit to dump two children on her husband at work while she went off for hours to do something that she wanted to do. Trust me, where we work is a million miles away from being suitable for children. And, perhaps most tellingly, a woman who seems to think that she can just drop into a science degree at a university and then immediately become a teacher. Errr...your children, woman? Last I heard, she was waiting until the youngest one starts school (in about 3 years time, by which point I will be close to finishing my degree with the OU), and then she would go onto University. It's about 40 miles away...who is going to look after the kids? Her Husband goes to work early, and comes home pretty late - he can't do it, but of course she is expecting him to.

It just riles me so much that people are that retarded. That people see nothing outside of their own personal space. That they cannot see they are pissing others off. That they are so selfish when it comes to what they want to do - their family can play catch up.

There's a world outside your own head people. Get with it.

You see, I don't complain about the place we live in so much anymore. Before the reincarnation of this blog I used to complain at length about the last place we lived in. In truth, it was pretty nasty and so much had to be done to it. Upon moving into a house, we thought that were were home and dry in terms of somewhere nice, warm and homely to live. We were a little bit wrong on that count.

Perhaps we have a strange set-up? We get a house along with The Boss's job. I have to say, that's pretty cool. It means that we don't have to worry so much about finding a place to live, and we're not paying £1000+ a month for the going rate of houses in this area. Some people would probably wonder what dare we complain about? I'll point out a few good things about this place.

The good

• A nice, large garden


• A driveway


• A spare bedroom


• It's quiet


• It's not on-site

That's all good. And at first glance, it seemed like a nice place. However, shortly after we moved in, we noticed the enormous cracks in the walls around the doors. We saw how the internal doors no longer close, or in some cases open, because the house shifts so much. We could also see how the doors have been adjusted for this - there are massive gaps (in one door, big enough for me to get my arm through) at the top and bottom of the doors. The front door needs regular adjustment by the glaziers. The kitchen floor has separated from the wall, and thus there is a huge gap. Mold grows on the bathroom walls because it is plagued by damp. The garage is falling down.

Almost two years ago we brought most of these things to the attention of, what we will call, the maintenance department. Our particular concerns were with the internal doors, the garage, and the drastic shifting of the building after a little rain. So we waited...and we waited...and we waited harder...and we waited longer...and longer...and longer...until now.

About a month ago the new guy in charge of the maintenance department promised to come round and have a look at our biggest concerns. We thought something may get done as he was new, thus a good rapport could be struck up with him. He never fucking turned up. So, cue me being rather pissed off (since when is that different to normal?). There was no apology from him, he just didn't bother to turn up. Nice, eh?

Today, I was told that he was going to turn up this morning to have a look around. Then I was told it would be this afternoon, or rather "after lunch". As someone who works much the same times as the maintenance department, I know that after lunch would normally mean after 12.30. I'm still waiting, and it's 1pm. Not long, I grant you, but I don't think he will come round at all.

The problem with living in accommodation that belongs to your employer is that they can and do demand to come into your house for various reasons, at any given time. If that got things done, I would be fine with it. Instead, it gets nothing done. It is almost an exercise for them to come and have a snoop round at how other people live. Later this week, someone is coming to value the house. Not a good time to be selling, and an even worse time when they see the problems with it - of course, it doesn't belong to the people who are getting the estate agents in, so they can't sell it. Who would want to buy a place looking like this? Or more importantly, who would want to buy a place after hearing such scathing things about it?

I do not think that anything will be done to this place while we are living here. It is quite obviously not on anyone's agenda, despite the dire need. And while I appreciate that there are more important things - we have been asking for these things to be done for 2 years. Some people stride in and get things done with a few days. Our house has not seen anyone from that department in two years, and even then it was only someone painting a wall.

Nothing will ever get done to this place. Why? Because the new guy won't even bother to turn up. Again.
So much for an Englishman's home being his castle.

Edited to add: Fuck me. He did come round. That was a turn up for the books indeed. He has made all sorts of promises about the problems and how they will be fixed. We'll see...

Left.

It certainly has been a while. Laziness strikes. Especially after two holidays. I believe that the last time I wrote anything was just before we went away for the second time? MT tells me it was 22nd September, which was the day before. Goodo. Our holidays were nice. Both of them. The second place we stayed had a hot tub and a sauna. I used both. I got the sauna up to a little above 50ºC. I was sweating at that point, but wasn't feeling light headed. I got out because I had been in for half an hour at that point, and I didn't want to overdo it, as it was an infrared sauna. And the hot tub? Well, that was outside, and I used it on our last night there as it was a pleasant evening. I was glad that it wasn't windy - the cover was hard, and if that had blown onto me while I was in there...not good.

The place that we stayed second time round was on a private road. Yeah. A private road that was over a mile from the public highway to the lodge. Good stuff. So quiet. All that we heard was fighter jets and geese. Good stuff - we will return there.

The entire time we were there, I was waiting for my period to start. Did it? Of course it freaking didn't. I have a problem with my periods. It finally started last night, some two and a half months after my last period, in July. Dude, please, sort it out. I would much rather not have any at all. Fuck me, does this one hurt. Painkillers required. If it hadn't have been for the painkillers that I took this morning, I may not have gone to work. It really was bad, I couldn't believe how painful it was. One hysterectomy please, Mr. Gynaecologist!

Then it was time to come back to work, and that happened last week. Eugh is all that I can say about that. I don't like working. Does anyone? Well sometimes I do, but not at the moment.

I need a cup of tea.
[Pause...]

We just seem to have had such a shower of bastards coming in or demanding our help. From the stupid new knob head of department who decided to set his own date on when something must be done by us, and continued to push us for that date, despite our department never agreeing to that date. To stupid retards being handed the items that they ordered, and then saying "I ordered 'blah blah blah'. Err, no you put down "blah blah", you never mentioned "blah blah blah". Fuckwit. And to the dude who must weight at least 30 stone and is such a pompous twat. I can barely stand to look at him, let alone be in the same room as him. He either stinks of BO or shite. Today it was shite. He's worse than the drunk retiree who keeps coming in, twitching and utterly pissed as well as stinking as though something crawled into his throat and died.

For fuck's sake, would a gentle return have been so difficult? We had a nice holiday, and what could have been a nice, quiet return to work was plagued by stupid fucks simply existing. While I realise that the start of term is "busy", it is not just busy for the academic departments. In fact, the start of term would not be busy for the academic departments if any of them had good teachers who did planning during the holidays. They just fuck off to their far flung countries for 8 weeks each summer and do sweet FA. While we, the support staff come in during the holidays, or in the case of The Boss, ends up spending half a day while he is in deepest, darkest Norfolk fixing a problem at work because they just can't cope without him. Teachers have it so fucking easy. Sure the kids can be a handful, but they only work part time, and have about 16-20 weeks holiday per year. While the support staff do not, and we get abused, bitched at, have people try to go above us, and generally get treated like utter shit by these "teachers".

A nice little message to all the teachers out there. Not only: Fuck you, for the most part, but also, you need to realise that without us, you really would be fucked. Treat us with a little respect for once, and you might get good, clean, nice service from people who want to help you. A smile, a please and a thank you go a long way. Stop thinking that you are the only reason that schools exist. You forget - the only reason that schools open after each holiday is because we, the support staff have been slaving our arses off to get 3 times our normal workload finished before you lazy cunts return. As soon as teachers start respecting me, I will return the respect. At the moment, respect is pretty thin on the ground.

What else? Oh yes, I started my course last week. I'm a week ahead of schedule. And I went to the first tutorial last Tuesday. It was in Chelmsford, I was late because I couldn't find the building, and the room was full. There must have been almost 15 people there. I'm used to just me and tutor in the sociology ones. I realised that while I was there, I seemed to be the only one who had any knowledge of, well anything. I know it sounds like I'm blowing my own trumpet there, but as I sat amongst all of these other people (about 95% of whom said they were doing the course because they wanted to be a teacher. FFS.) I realised that this course was the kind of stuff I did at primary school. Hell, Doctor Faustus? - I read the Canterbury Tales in Middle English without a translation when I was in my first year at Grammar school - I was 11!

There were also people there who obviously didn't listen as one particular question about referencing was asked by someone next to me. That person listened and took notes. Then, someone behind me got the tutor to repeat his answer. FFS - seriously. He spoke loudly and clearly the first time round, and the second time he said exactly the same thing. How could that have made such a difference? At times it really felt like being in a class back at primary school. Particularly so when I realised I was the only person understanding a lot of my tutors references to other things in the arts/humanities. I know, that really does sound as though I am three miles up my own arse. But...ugh, I can just feel that subsequent tutorials are going to be painful. Maybe next time I will pipe up with stuff that I know, especially as we should be getting onto iambic pentameters, and Christopher Marlowe.

Maybe it will get better? Maybe some people will drop out, or no longer come to the tutorials? I wish I could skip OU Level 1 courses completely. That way, I could just go onto A210 or U211. It is one of these moments when I wish there was a bit of an OU selective entrance exam. If you can pass to a certain standard, you can begin at Level 2 and get your degree from there. If you can't pass at that standard, you can starting with the groundings in Level 1. Bleh. Just keep reminding yourself, young lady, that it will be over by June.

A bit of background.

I am waiting in for a parcel today. I was told it should arrive today. I did not go into work this morning. Instead, I spent the morning working on a website, from home. Yes, four hours to produce something that is probably 9,759,748 times simpler than the original. And, if the parcel does not arrive this afternoon, WTH do I do tomorrow? I can't possibly stay off another day - and I have a hospital appointment in the afternoon.

Here's a conversation that I had with The Boss about the situation. Names have been changed to protect the naughty innocent.

The Boss says:
did you take the bg picture @ home?

Clarice says:
Yes

Clarice says:
I don't think that they are standard library fare ;)

Clarice says:
I know how I want it to look in my brain, but my little brain doesn't seem interested in obliging and making it work.

Clarice says:
I don't know how you manage to code all day. This makes me want to slit my wrists because I am so mongy at it.

How do coders code all day? Do they not just becomes mongs by about midday? Do they not collapse into a heap of escaped slashes, ls -l, or

if
(wankface is talking);
then
(beat him with a tilde);
else
(beer);?

I am sure that The Boss will be pleased to know that I made that little bit up myself, after having watched him code for the past...four years. At the same time, I am sure he will correct it for me.

But seriously? How do coders not just flip and become some axe wielding murder when their code does not want to work for them? Or when they cannot translate into code, what they have in their heads? This is probably the first time in my life that I have wanted to do some ironing, just to get away from the code.

If the parcel does not arrive today, I think that I am too apathetic to actually care and get annoyed about it. Hey, at least I got some work done that I just couldn't do at work. Yeah, that's another thing - how do coders work with all the distraction? I feel guilty for distracting The Boss so much at work now. I appreciate that not all hardcore coders will be in an environment with screaming teenagers around, but surely they get distracted too?

The ironing board is calling me. The force is strong!

Funnily enough, about two minutes after posting this entry, the parcel turned up. What fun!
And, looking at that picture...don't your book choices say a lot about you? The three in the middle are for my course, but they are the kind of thing I probably would have read anyway.

Yeah, no - one asked me if it would be okay for me to double my working hours this week. Instead, I just did it. Loyal to the department, and The Boss, of course. In fact, one day I worked 10 hours, which is more than anyone should be working in a day around here. To think I am only contracted for 4 hours per day.

There was so much stuff to do. I feel as though my feet barely touched the ground this week. So many laptops that we fiddled with. Two of us shared the load, and by the time I left today, we had gone beyond the 100 numbered form. Good stuff? It was a good mix of Windows XP, Vista and Mac. I didn't do the Macs, but the XP and Vista machines were fine. I even found Vista quite palpable - at least on the machines where it ran quickly. Loads of kids said they wanted their machines sped up because they were "slow". Some kids were just expecting too much, as when we used them they were just fine. Others - well, there was a long list of lost causes because too many things were running at start up, and of course they were running Vista on a laptop with 1GB of memory. Ha! What do they expect?!

Our xBox came back, and it seems to be working. Whoop! That decides what we'll be doing this weekend then. I think the weather is meant to be pretty poor. Today was rather crap, I must say. The walk home was nasty enough to make me change my clothing when I got home.

You know, for having such a long week, I'm not in a bad mood. I've dealt with a good few dickheads this week, but I'm still cheerful. Something must be wrong with me.

Oh yes, my new course materials have arrived. They were very rapidly dumped on the sofa after opening, and haven't moved since. The course starts in just under a month. Got some holidaying to do before then. Whoop!

You know, all I want to do right now, is play. And I shall.

Happy weekend!

In a short while, we have to go to a works party. We have found out that we are sitting on a table that is entirely populated with fuckers that we do not like.

However, what does make up for that ever so slightly, is the fact that we are not on the same table as the In-Laws.

Well thank fuck for that. We have to spend a good proportion of the weekend with them - tonight is a small mercy.

There are a number of things about being a woman, and living in today's society that annoy me. I shall talk only about two however. This has come about because of one incident yesterday, and another just before Christmas.

The first was yesterday. I was quite happily standing on the pavement, in the rain, waiting to be picked up. A little down from me was a guy in a truck. After I had been standing there for a couple of minutes, he wound down his window, looked at me and said "Alright, Love?". As much as I wanted to tell him where to shove his fag, it made me realise a few things.

• Essex is, culturally, a million miles away from the UK mainland. (I doubt that was disputed however).


• I still look recognisably like a woman, despite a radical haircut


• There really is a disgusting invasion of personal space in today's society

What bothered me, in terms of being a woman, was that he said "Love". Ugh. That drives me mad. "Love" should be a very personal term. It is the same for me when someone calls me "Dear", "Darling", or "Mate". I'm not your Dear, Darling, or Mate. I don't know you from Adam, how dare you call me something like that? And it's not friendliness. Not at all. If someone was being friendly, they would just be polite, they wouldn't feel the need to address me in a rather crass fashion as "Love". Personal space has not been invaded by this, some may say. Alas, it has. I don't necessarily mean physical personal space, the invasion of that doesn't bother me as much. Sure, I find touchy-feely people that I am not familiar with to be rather creepy. But invading someone's personal head space is completely different. If someone gets close to you or touches you, the invasion ends when they move away. If someone invades your personal head space it doesn't go away. This leads me onto my next experience.

It was a little before Christmas and I was at the works Christmas meal. Our department drew rather a short straw and ended up with one guy on our table who we don't like so much. He could have sat with his own department, but no, he gravitated towards ours. After noshing was done he brought up the fact that I'd been married for almost a year. Great. Then he asked the mother of all questions that should never be asked..."When are you going to have children?" Dear Lord, he's lucky that he didn't get his bollocks cut off for that one. I did however tell him to fuck off. That didn't work, he kept asking.

I did eventually answer. I said "Never". Short as. I thought he might give up at this point. Oh no, the next utterance out of his ignorant mouth was "Why not? You'd make a great mother!" This is the moment where, in my mind at least, the video stops playing - someone has paused it - and I continue moving. I get up from my seat at this meal, all is silent around me and I begin to talk to the camera detailing what this moron has done wrong.

For starters he asked me when I was going to have children. You never ask that of anyone. Ever. I don't care why people don't have children, the issue that they can't is not what may bother me. It's the fact that it's hurtful to people who choose not to have any, as well as those that cannot. Why is it hurtful? Some may argue that I'm being pathetic by saying it is "hurtful". I am not. It is hurtful that there are still some people on this earth who think that we are stuck in the 1950s, and that following on from marriage all women want to have children. That all women want to be mothers and will make good ones. That all women want to do what this guy's wife does: live off his earnings and pop out a sprog every few years. No, it's alright mate, some of us are a little more enlightened than that.

I hate the presumptions that I wish to have children. I hate the little shites. Once I get my degree I'll have quite an earning potential. Why would I want to piss away my money, my time, my wellbeing on a couple of people who will, no matter what I do, resent me for some pathetic reason which I cannot remedy? And the presumption that I would be a "good mother". Is anyone truly a good mother? I could pick many faults with my Mother in Law, and probably just as many with my own Mother. I will not deny that I resented my Father for many years. And, you cannot have it all - you are either a parent and you give your all to that, or you take your job over your children. My parents, both of them, did the latter. I spent five years in therapy as a teenager, mainly over the resentment towards both of my parents and mostly about my Father missing the majority of my Christmasses and Birthdays until I was 15. By the point that your teenager is in therapy it's too late, the damage is done, and part of them will always resent you.

My friend, and former colleague butted in at this point and said that I would make a terrible mother. I had to concur. She is completely right. I don't argue with The Boss - I don't want to put anything into our marriage that might cause arguments. Children would do exactly that. I'm far too lazy to have children. I'm far more interested in the amount of money we can earn, save, and then use in our preferred manner, to have children. Women are beyond that now, but some men don't seem to think so. Women protested, and in fact died, so that women in the future did not have to be chained to the kitchen and wiping children's arses while living off the earnings of their husband. They died so that we could get an education, follow our dreams and aspirations and prove ourselves. But prove ourselves to no-one other than ourselves.

By asking when I will have children, it is an invasion of my personal head space, and like I detailed before, you cannot get rid of that. Seven months after the incident I am still thinking about it, and it still stirs a certain amount of anger in me. Not only the personal space issue, but the guy probably couldn't tell me my first name, how dare he ask such a personal question?

For a little more rage in response all he needed to have added to the end of that question was "Love".
"So, when are you going to have children, Love?"

Nah, it's not that melodramatic.

It is the last week of term. Wonderful. The kids bugger off for their two month holidays, which I am sure a sizable number will be spending in sunnier climes than Britain, and doing far more exciting things than we will be doing. It has been particularly quiet in our building this week. They're all off doing these sorts of courses that tell them how to behave and how to live at University. I don't see the point myself. None of the kids listen, all you ever hear is them pissing about during the lessons, and none of them will apply this knowledge which they didn't bother to acquire to the real world. It's a thankless, and rather pointless task, but I guess their parents would complain if people (other than themselves) didn't teach little Johnny how to survive on beans on toast.

I've had a headache for most of this week, which has been entirely undesirable. I cannot tell if it is because I have been getting too hot during the night, if I've been working too hard or doing too much, or if it's related to my jaw, which has been very difficult to open for food in the morning this week. I hope that my hospital appointment for that will drop on the doormat soon. I would like to be able to shovel food into my mouth in the morning, when I could be bothered, that would be great...Right now I could do with taking some painkillers.

What else, what else?
I've been taking photos of the library. Somehow I managed to take close to 180 pictures there yesterday, and the librarians seem to really like them. I liked doing it too. It was tiring, and I felt as though I was ready to sleep for a week once I got back to the office, and even more so when I got home and put them all into a gallery. For the first time in ages I felt as though I had actually done some work, and some worthwhile work. The little things that we do, fixing things for people, replacing items, moving things around site, that's what we are there for. But the photos really were up to me, and I enjoyed it. Meh. Wish I was good enough to make a proper job out of. That said, no - one wants to hire a photographer anymore because everyone has their own digital point and shoot cameras and if they need a photo of something they are more likely to go and take it themselves.

Apparently my course result should be available around 6th August. Woo! Not terribly long to wait! I wonder if the assignment will be returned before then? If it is, I should be able to work out my average, thus getting my course result. I really should sign up for my next one, and soon. I am quite pleased that I have about £200 to put towards it.

I wish it would get a bit warmer. It's still ever so slightly too chilly and windy for me to be happy going outside much. I hate the wind. It makes me sad :(

I also hate this headache. For which I will now take some painkillers.